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Posted on June 11, 2018

10 things all singletons can learn from Love Island 2018

Dating

Let’s be clear on something: contrary to what my Twitter feed will have you think, I am not a Love Island superfan. In fact, this is the first year I tuned in to the show from the very beginning – I know, I was a bit late jumping joining the bandwagon! Last year, my slow addiction to the reality show developed mid-season, after catching a glimpse of the tension created by Muggy Mike.

Watching all the drama unfold in the villa before Amber & Kem took home the prize money, made me realised that you don’t have to be a qualified doctor to diagnose an unhealthy addiction towards television drama. Much like anyone else who has a tendency of investing their feelings into onscreen relationships, the new series of Love Island has already taken an emotional toll on us ITV viewers.

Tuning in from the beginning of the season means I’ll have a better understanding of the inner workings of the show as well as the game plan of schneaky contestants (I can think of a few names). But rather than naming and shaming – I probably do enough of that on Twitter anyways, I’ve decided to compile a list of meaningful love lessons us singletons can learn about dating from week one of this year’s Love Island.

Only a week into seeing sloppy kisses on screen and uncomfortable love triangles, but I’ve already picked up on some major faux pas in the world of dating *puts on Carrie Bradshaw hat*

Here are 10 things all singletons can learn from week one of Love Island 2018:

1. Not all that glitters is gold

2. Insecurities follow you until you mend your heart 

3. Acting dumb will never be cute

4. Girls really don’t want a good guy

5. Never underestimate the power of bro code

6. Female ageing is still highly stigmatised 

7. If it ain’t white, it ain’t ‘right’ 😒

8.Some women truly are masochists

9. Politics isn’t for everyone

10. If you want true love, choose personality over looks – always!

What do you make of this year’s Love Island? I would love to know your thoughts! Tweet me @FilomenaKaguako 🙂 

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Love Island airs on ITV2 at 9pm, every night except Saturday.

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Posted on June 8, 2018

No More Peach Fuzz thanks to Skinfull Affairs!!!

service review

If you’re anything like me – ageing by the second, reminiscing on the prime of your beauty, worried about early menopause and so on and so fourth….then you probably feel somewhat anxious about your skin and unwanted body hair on summery days. It is a known fact that natural light can be unforgiving to skin flaws and those who live a secret life of plucking hairs from their chin – say no more.

Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be that way, because there is light at the end of the tunnel! Thanks to Skinfull Affairs, a beauty salon based in Dublin on 34 Exchequer Street, there is a timeless way to remove unwanted body hair while simultaneously boosting your body confidence: threading.

So what is threading according to Skinfull Affairs?

Threading is an ancient method of depilation and can remove even the finest hairs, leaving skin soft and smooth. This gentle form of hair removal is even suitable for the most sensitive skins. No chemicals or tools are used aside from an antibacterial thread that is twisted to pull the hair from the root.

  • It is chemical – free
  • The results are long lasting
  • It is very precise
  • It is quicker than waxing
  • It leaves a cleaner finish

My threading experience at Skinfull Affairs

I arrived at the lovely Skinfull Affairs about 10 minutes prior to the scheduled time and was greeted by a very welcoming staff member who had me fill in a form and offer me a glass a water. When she headed back to set up, I had the opportunity to browse the store and sample some of their body creams and lotions.

When the time came for me to start my treatment, I was pretty nervous. Thankfully, the woman looking after me calmed down my nerves with her words of encouragement. The second she started the treatment, I wanted to scream. I found the first few minutes of threading to be pretty sore as a first timer but I did take a few breaks during the treatment so it was all very bearable.

The most painful area was my eyebrows and the least painful area was my chin – it must be used to all the pain from plucking! Overall, the pain was not overwhelming bad, and I have certainly endured worse!

The Results

Before Threading

After threading

The results were impeccable, I had never seen my face so smooth before. The redness caused by the threading  didn’t last very long which was surprising to me since my skin is very sensitive. I looked and felt young and fresh again! 🙂

Aftercare

A skin-calming product for after threading

I was told not to use any saunas or steam rooms, no swimming or makeup for 24 hours. Avoiding the steam room was hard, but it was worth it after!

How often do you need to get it done?

Eyebrows after threading

I am four weeks into the treatment and I don’t seem to need a top up just yet. The amount of treatments a person needs depends on their hair growth of course and everybody is different – some need threading done every month, while the results for others can last for up to eight weeks!

Would I recommend it?

All smiles here! 

I would 100% recommend it to those who use waxing or other chemicals to remove hair since threading os natural. The staff in Skinfull Affairs were lovely and very informative, they were incredibly patient with me also.

For your free assessment and a price list of all threading treatments, check out www.skinfullaffairs.ie

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A massive thank you to Skinfull Affairs for looking after me! All opinions  remain my own.

Posted on June 2, 2018

10 inspiring body positive women

Confidence

For those of you unfamiliar with the term, body positive is all about embracing your body as is – flaws and all. The concept sounds easy in theory, but in practice, it can prove to be a bit of a struggle since we are constantly being bombarded with images of unrealistic beauty standards in the media.

Although I am a self-proclaimed fitness bunny, my battle with body positivity varies from the usual “I need to loose a few pounds,” instead, it comes from – dare I say it – skinny shaming.

Yes, skinny shaming is a thing.

You see, it is often assumed that people who are slim automatically have body confidence and are therefore never subjected to being body shamed or feelings of insecurity about their body. This is simply untrue.

Growing up as a skinny teenage girl – please note that ‘skinny’ is never a compliment – come with its negatives when you are from a community that praises larger women.

Not living up to the stereotypical black girl features of beautiful curves and a ‘big black booty,’ in many ways, made me feel that I was lacking as a woman. It led to my obsession with becoming an avid gym goer and doing an excessive amount of lunges and squats in a helpless attempt to build my bum and make so called booty gainz.

I’m now pushing into my thirties and  dealing with being hairier than I was growing up (as if having starving black girl card wasn’t enough😑). I’ve become increasingly fearful of having to deal with the dreaded changes that occur in a woman’s body around menopausal age – early menopause, eh? Just another thing to add to my growing list of irrational fears and phobias….

Overall, my body confidence journey has been a rollercoaster of happy tears and sad ones. I’ve had moments when I channelled my inner Emily Ratajkowski  and thought “You look good girl,” while looking at my naked reflection, and I’ve had times when I couldn’t bear to even look at my skin in the mirror.

Thankfully, I’ve met some wonderful women of varying shapes and sizes that have helped me come to the realisation that body changes are normal and more importantly, there isn’t just one type of body that exists for women – regardless of your skin colour. Being a black woman doesn’t mean having big lips or a ‘big booty,’ it just means being a woman.

Women are not homogenous creatures, we are all individuals with unique features.

It took me decades to realise this and I am finally happy to be at a place where I recognise it is impossible to be one hundred percent body confident 100% of the time. There will be days when we feel good and days when we don’t. It’s just the reality of it. As long as we remember that it is less about fitting into a specific box and more  about creating your own box of what being a beautiful woman means to you.

So today, I wanted to celebrate female bodies of all shapes and sizes for the simple reason that being body positive  is not about everyone looking a monolithic way. It is about embracing the beauty in the differences. Whether you are softer in some areas or are constantly on the lookout for skin improving  products, you don’t have to have one look to be body positive or have body confidence.

These are women who I have met in the past or know personally. I feel that they exemplify true body positivity. I’ve asked them about everything from skin problems to maintaining body confidence to perception of female bodies during motherhood.

Thank you to all the beautiful women for getting involved in this. But most of all, thank you ladies for being you 🙂

1. Brooke Moore

Beauty Vlogger & cast of Channel 4’s Genderquake

I’ve been thin, I’ve been fat, I’ve been in good shape and I’ve been out of shape. We are so hung up on body image but whose body stays the same their whole lives? It’s so important to love your body at every stage of your life. If you’re lucky enough to live a long life it will change 100s of times.

2. Rachel Martin

Vlogger & Social Media Influencer

Normally I would edit a photo like this to give me a ‘better’ shape but I decided not to – there’s no reason to hide! ‘It doesn’t matter what size you are, it doesn’t matter if things juggle where they’re not supposed to. That’s still beautiful #ashleygraham

3. Nadine Reid

MUA & Ambassador of courage and self-love

I learned to walk each day with courage and the belief that I am beautiful. Not one person has ever told me otherwise, why would they? I am beautiful, kind, talented, joyful and some days fabulously stunning. I pray every woman can beleive in their beauty too, it is a life changing feeling.

4.Lesley Goulding

Skin Blogger

Love the skin you’re in. No matter what shade it throws your way. This thick layer of white, beige, yellow, pink, chocolate, mahogany, whatever coloured, elastic stuff protects you. So take care of it.

5. Rosee Daisy Byrne

Health & Beauty Blogger

It’s really hard [to post these photos] but I’ve learned to not give a s**t somehow!

6. Grainne

Skincare Ambassador & previously competed in the bodybuilding bikini category to gain stage experience.

Always focus on yourself and your own progress. What works for me may not work for others. Your body is beautifully unique and responds and develops differently. So admire but never compare!

7. Aicha Salif

Model, Fitness Instructor and Mother of two

I think social media and celebrities expect you to have a quick snap back after birth and celebrities make it worse. They have the time and money to get their body “right” and then lie to people that it’s all natural. And also, people judge you for dressing a certain way once you’re a mum. They expect you to be more covered up and wholesome looking. There’s constant judgment about the right and wrong way to be a “good” mum. Eventually I just looked at my kids and realised they are happy and healthy kids. They love me for me regardless of how I look.

8. Jen Morris

Social Media Manager & Beauty Vlogger

Steps to the perfect bikini body are as follows: 1. Have a body 2. Put a bikini on it. Do I have the perfect body, no! Do I own my curves, you betcha!

And my final two gals who are also kindred spirits with Emily Ratajkowski and embrace nakedness….

9. Funmi Obadeyi

Fitness Enthusiast & Mother of one

There is some huge problem with body confidence that I don’t seem to relate with. I’m so happy in my body, if anyone thinks I don’t look amazing due to whatever, F them! So please speak it out to these girls that they are beautiful the way they are and no one is perfect.

10. Deborah Bux

Lead Makeup Artist & Freelance Fashion Stylist

Fake it till you make it!

These women are all living proof that there is more than one look that can attribute to body positivity, the beauty lies in the differences.

I came across a quote on Twitter recently that has stuck with me since, ‘if tomorrow, women woke up and decided they really liked their bodies, think about how many industries would go out of business.’

The problem doesn’t lie with your body, it lies with the people who profit from convincing you that’s where the problem lies.

To follow these beautiful ladies on Instagram, click on their photos 💗

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Posted on May 22, 2018

“TERFs are trash!”| Twitter’s reaction to Genderquake

vlog

First and foremost, a massive thank you to everyone who tuned in to Genderquake this time last week. I am still so overwhelmed by the overall reaction to my contribution on the show! As expected, there was a bit of name calling. One insult in particular is still very new to me – typical lefties! But in general, the feedback was very positive and I’m happy with it!

If you weren’t glued to the Genderquake hashtag on Twitter during broadcast of the show the way I was, then be sure to check out my recent YouTube video to hear some of the truly hilarious Twitter reactions to me featuring in this two-part  Channel 4 documentary 🙂

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Posted on May 18, 2018

The 8th Amendment: 8 pro-life arguments debunked

Uncovered

repeal the 8th amendment

On the 25th of May, the voting citizens of Ireland will be given the opportunity to make history. We will be given the chance to vote on whether we want to repeal or retain the 8th Amendment, which was voted into the Irish Constitution in 1983 and currently protects the life of the unborn.

The tension created by the upcoming referendum over the past few weeks seems to have polarised the nation, with activists from both sides of the debate playing dirty. I am aware that this topic is incredibly delicate for a lot of women and men, alike and that people have their own personal  reasons for why they will vote ‘Yes’ or  ‘No’ this day next week.

My intention is not to change the votes of those who have a firm and legitimate position in the matter, I understand that when a person’s vote is so deeply rooted in life experience, very little will sway them to the other side.

Instead, I want to help those who are unsure about the 8th and inform them on how it negatively impacts the lives of their sisters, daughters, neighbours and friends – not only when in need of an abortion, but during a continued pregnancy too.

What is the 8th Amendment?

So for those of you who don’t know, the 8th Amendment equates the life of a pregnant person to that of a foetus. It says, ‘the state acknowledges the right to life of the foetus and, with due regards to the equal right to life of the mother, guarantees in its laws to respect, and, as far as practicable, by its laws to defend and vindicate that.’

This makes abortion services illegal in Ireland, even in cases of rape, incest or fatal foetal abnormalities. Irish women who need abortion are either forced to travel abroad, adding more expenses and trauma to an already emotional experience, or they can order illegal abortion pills online and risk facing a 14 year prison sentence for perpetrating a crime.

But let’s not put all the focus on abortion or forced pregnancy, the 8th Amendment also affects women while pregnant. The HSE National Consent Policy restricts informed consent and informed refusal of treatment for pregnant individuals.

It states, ‘because of the Constitutional provisions on the right to life of the unborn there is significant legal uncertainty regarding a pregnant woman’s right to consent.’

This means the requirement for informed consent is eliminated and pregnant women are often forced into procedures without the proper information or consultation. While many on the pro-life side claim to love both the mother and foetus, it is clear that the 8th Amendment favours the life of the unborn. It directly removes the person’s right to consent for any procedure during labour and birth where it is deemed to endanger the life of the foetus.

Where do I stand in this debate?

Advocating for the choice to perform an action is not the same as advocating for that action to be performed.

pro choice pro repeal

While I do have ethical opinions on abortion as far as gestation period goes, I personally believe that people in Ireland should have access to legal abortion services in their own country. For that reason, I identify as pro-choice rather than pro-abortion. I feel that being labelled as pro-abortion makes a false claim that I want women to have abortion, when in reality I want women to have a choice to make that decision for themselves. I think using the term pro-abortion places a significant amount of emphasis on the unborn and completely ignores female bodily autonomy.

When I say I am pro-choice, what I really mean is that I am pro-women having agency over their own bodies. When I say I am pro-choice, what I mean is that I don’t believe a person’s moral opinion on abortion should  override another woman’s right to choose and when I say I am pro-choice, what I really mean is that I believe the government should not get to police my body, because forcing unwanted pregnancy on any woman or girl is a form of female oppression.

I often find myself getting riled up when I get into the politics of it all, so to avoid getting overly emotional about this – if I haven’t already – I’m going to introduce some important facts, that may help swing voters make an informed decision on voting day.

With the help of social feminist group Rosa, I was able to compile a list of common arguments from the pro-life side to do some myth-busting about abortion. A massive thank you to the lovely Una for providing me with the information to share these myth-busters with you:

MYTH #1: Abortion is used as a form of ‘birth control’

Abortion is a costly procedure, making the use of contraception much easier than having an abortion. Also, there is not just one reason to have an abortion. People usually have a number of reasons for why they wish to terminate their pregnancy. It is a decision that no person takes lightly.

MYTH #2: Adoption is a better solution

Adoption is still a forced option that puts a woman’s mental health at risk. Forcing someone to continue an unwanted pregnancy affects their mental state and overall well-being.

MYTH #3: Where abortion is legal, women are more likely to be forced into it by abusive partners

Taking autonomy away from women who need abortion will not solve violence against women. If anything, the 8th Amendment causes further damage to women who are in abusive relationships and want to access abortion without the knowledge of their abusive partner.

MYTH #4: Abortions are more dangerous than child birth

Abortion is only dangerous when done illegally and in an unsafe environment. When done under the care of a trained practitioner, they are safe. In fact, the World Health Organisation puts abortion pills on essential medication list. In regards to giving birth, a woman is 14 times more likely to die during childbirth than during an abortion procedure.

MYTH #5: Having abortion increases the risk of mental health problems

Forcing someone to stay pregnant and give birth against their will increases the risk of mental health problems. In fact, 98% would recommend it to other women in the same situation, according to Abigail Aiken Study (2016, North & Southern Ireland).

MYTH #6: Abortion is used to prevent the birth of persons with disabilities

Having a baby with a disability is not an easy thing. Since the severity of all kinds of conditions vary widely, the woman and her family should be best placed to decide if they can handle caring for such a child, not the government.

MYTH #7: Having an abortion increases the risk of infertility, stillbirths and miscarriages in the future

A properly performed abortion will not impact future fertility. It is one of the safest medical interventions. Illegal, backstreet abortions performed with untrained practitioners put women’s lives and fertility at risk, not abortion.

MYTH #8: Countries that have adopted ‘abortion on demand’ legislation have seen a drastic  increase in abortion rates

The abortion rate is stable, with Western Europe having the lowest abortion rate worldwide. In fact, abortion is less frequent in countries with the most liberal abortion.

What is the bottom line?

The focus of this issue should not be on the unborn, we need to prioritise the lives and choices of women. The dialogue surrounding this debate  shouldn’t be about a person’s moral opinion on abortion, it should be about women having the freedom to do what’s best for them and their family. Just because you wouldn’t have an abortion yourself it doesn’t mean you should rob another person of making that decision for themselves.

As I’ve already expressed, people will have their own reasons for why they think the 8th Amendment should be repealed or retained. But for those who are still undecided, don’t be influenced by the false arguments being made by the pro-life campaign. Don’t make this about what you would or wouldn’t do.

It shouldn’t be about you.

It should be about trusting women to make their own choices.

It should be about women having agency over their own bodies.

It is about the continued fight for female bodily autonomy.

In the words of Claire Balding, “At the end of the day Ireland, no human in pro-abortion. But in the democratic society that we live in. we should all be pro-choice.”

Vote ‘Yes’ on the 25th of May.

Vote ‘Yes’ to repeal.

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Posted on May 15, 2018

Top tips for protecting your skin against the sun

product review

As a nation that isn’t always blessed with a natural dosage of vitamin D from the sun, we have been pretty lucky lately. The high temperatures over the weekend almost had me wanting to leave the house in a swimsuit -not to mention the amazing weather we have today! But being the ‘conservative Irish girl’ that I am, I had to resist the urge to give in to this socially unacceptable behaviour (if you don’t get the joke, then you simply do not cyber stalk me enough, hashtag just saying).

But back to skin protection and the misconception that black people do not need to wear any – I know, zero to one hundred, how do I do it? I can imagine some pro-black melanin proud individuals reading this, and thinking ‘how dare she?’ But I’m sorry to break it to you, your melanin is no guarantee against skin cancer. We all need to protect our skin from the external environment, regardless of skin colour or tone.

If you are one of my day one followers, then you would know that I am quite an advocacte for sunscreen, even on days when it isn’t sunny (which is most days in the Great emerald Isle). I’ve spoken about this previously, so without delving too deep into the reasons why you should protect your skin from UV rays throughout the year, I’m going to be discussing some of the sun protection products I’ve been trying over the past few weeks and then give you some top sun protection tips from the experts themselves 🙂

 

Uriage Bariésun Spray SPF 50*

Uriage Bariésun Spray SPF 50+

Uriage Bariésun Spray SPF 50+and Uriage Lip Balm

“Uriage Bariésun Spray SPF 50+ is a very high protection sun lotion which has been enriched in Uriage Thermal Water which provides moisturizing and protective properties. This lotion is hypoallergenic, and designed to sensitive skins.”

This spray quickly made it to my list of must-have summer products after only one use. Unlike some other sunscreens I have tried in the past, this doesn’t leave any grease or a white hue. It absorbs in the skin very quickly and almost leaves a mattifying affect on the skin. It is super light and has a pleasant fragrance too.

  • Final Verdict: Out of all the sunscreen products I  have tried in the past, this is by far my favourite!
  • Rating: 1000% yes
  • Price: €30, pharmacies nationwide and www.uriage.ie

Payot Sun Sensi Spray Protector SPF 30*

Payot’s Sun Sensi Spray Protecteur Anti-Age SPF30

Payot Sun Sensi Spray Protecteur Anti-Age SPF30

“Payot’s Sun Sensi Spray Protecteur Anti-Age SPF30 is an airy-light, invisible, non-greasy, cooling milky mist that provides high protection against UVA and UVB rays for the body. It is water-resistant and has  anti-ageing benefits.”

This high protection sun screen is air-light, water resistant and has anti-aging properties. It provides and SPF of 30 and is best used every two hours. Unlike the Uriage spray, this payot sunscreen is used for the body only. It is a bit greasy for my skin type on my face and didn’t leave the mattifying finish I would have liked – much like the majority of sunscreens, in fairness. Thankfully, it does leave an invisible finish with no with hue at all!

  • Final Verdict: Points lost for not being face-friendly, as it is specifically designed for the body.
  • Rating: 3.5/5
  • Price: €32, pharmacies nationwide and www.payot.ie

Swatches !!!

One spritz of each product,L: Uriage, R: Payot

Natural light,no flash

Neither of the two products left sunscreen marks or a white residue so that’s always a win if you’re going to be out showing your pins at the beach! 🙂

Top tips from skin experts at Uriage about staying protected in the sun:

  1. Try to avoid being out in the sun when it is at its hottest. This is generally around 10.30am -3.30pm in the summer months.
  2. Use your clothes to cover-up vulnerable areas and sit in the shade if it is at all possible.
  3. Find a hat that will provide extra cover. One with a 3 inch brim can give you adequate protection.
  4. It might sound obvious, but make sure to wear sunglasses to protect your eyes.
  5. Apply a broad-spectrum sunscreen to all areas of exposed skin, and when doing so make sure to use a sufficient amount of product, use two layers rather than one to be safe.
  6. Apply sunscreen 20 minutes before leaving the house, and importantly remember to reapply every 80 minutes or after any swimming or sweating even if using a waterproof formula.
  7. Kids love swimming when on holiday – but make sure that after they get out of the pool or sea that you dry them with a towel and reapply sun screen.
  8. Finally, do not forget to apply to these areas on yourself and young children – the top of the head, the ears, nape of the neck and also feet!

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*Both products were gifted, but all views remain my own. Full disclaimer here. 

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Posted on May 14, 2018

4 simple ways to have a whiter and healthier smile!!!

How To

Growing up, I’ve always been blessed with a white smile. If there was one thing people often complimented me on, it was my bright pearly whites. This happened so regularly that it actually made me self conscious about strangers constantly looking at my mouth.  I will admit that I was rather shy about it during that time, but I have since then learned to embrace the whiteness and I now do the absolute most to ensure my pearly whites remain, well…..white!

I brush, I floss, I mouthwash and I use a smoker’s whitening tooth powder – even though I don’t smoke!

I am aware that not everyone will have the dedication to take the OCD approach that I’ve implemented into my tooth care routine, so if you need your teeth whitening in order to resemble the stunningly white smiles of A list celebrities, one option – that doesn’t include vigorous brushing or obsession – is to see your dentist and have them bleach away years and years of stains.

However, if you’re not in the position to see a dentist for cosmetic work because professional teeth whitening  is a little out of your financial reach, then worry not! I have some fool-proof ways to help you achieve pearly white perfection.

Here are the top four most natural ways to achieve a brighter, whiter smile without breaking the bank 🙂

1. Pay your dentist regular visits

dentist docklands dental

Photo Credit: Docklands Dental

Think about it, most of us wouldn’t avoid the hairdresser for years, so why do we avoid our dentist? Many of us are scheduled to visit every six months, which is great for picking up on dental issues before they take hold but if you’re looking for a brighter and whiter smile, you need to be sitting in the dentist chair every three months! Keeping your mouth clean and removing bacteria will help keep your smile white and bright – after 3 months, any bacteria left simply takes hold again! If you’re scared of your dentist…then you’re seeing the wrong one.

2. Brush, brush, brush!

dentist docklands dental

Photo Credit: Docklands Dental

Yes, it sounds obvious – but so many adults don’t follow this simple rule! To keep your pearly whites white, you need to be brushing at least three times a day – so only a minor OCD approach! Better brushing will give you better results! Yes, you can choose whitening toothpastes that might help the process along, but it’s the extra time you take to brush that’ll get you that beautiful smile. Most whitening products that are available at your local supermarket or chemist only contain a small amount of whitening agent because there are restrictions on how much is available to the public in everyday products, so don’t be fooled by too-good-to-be-true results.

3. The importance of food and drink CANNOT be understated

If you’re hoping to achieve a naturally white smile, then you need to be mindful of what you’re consuming during the day. Certain foods and drinks erode our enamel and cause tooth weakness – take it easy on that lemon water! And as you know, that morning cup of coffee is going straight to your teeth and staining them brown. The same can be said for tea and of course, smoking. You also need to be careful when it comes to certain vegetables as well! Whoever would have thought the list could be this long? Blueberries, beetroot and even carrots contain antioxidants that can stain your teeth.

4. A simple rinse!

bright smile docklands dental

Photo Credit: Docklands Dental

If brushing your teeth after every meal seems a bit awkward, especially if you’re at work during the day or you’re just busy running errands throughout the day. Then try having a simple rinse instead. You can wash away the remnants of your meal before what’s left behind can do any staining damage. Even if you just use a glass of water, you can be a step closer to your perfect smile.

If you want some more advice on your oral health, then speak to your dentist today.

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*This is a collaborative post, all views remain my own.

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5 tips and tricks for dealing with social media trolls

How To/ Tips

While it is not uncommon for content creators to receive online abuse every now and again, I was quite fortunate to have skipped those horrible experiences for the most part of my blogging career. Fast forward a few years since launching my blog, and now the peaceful days of not dealing with online hate have become a long and distant memory to me.

Thankfully, dealing with trolls is still only a new phenomenon for me. It is one that started around the time I publicly spoke out about my experience of being hypersexualised as a Black Irish woman on dating sites. Following the publication of my viral open letter, it’s become the norm for me to moderate the comment section of my various social media platforms.

Being called a ‘darkie’ on YouTube has become such a regular occurrence for me at this point that it surprises me not to get a negative comment that is racially motivated. While I am not one to take nasty comments personally, I sometimes wonder if reading them will have negative effects on me on a subconscious level – I guess, only time will tell!

As someone who is now well versed in dealing with faceless profiles, I’ve decided to share my top tips for dealing with social media trolls 🙂

1. Stay calm and composed

If you choose to give hateful trolls the time of day, then a calm and composed reply may be a way to go! Emotionally driven arguments can only take you so far -not to mention how upset you might get after giving in to their negativity! If you keep a rational mind and reply calmly, there’s a lower chance of being dragged down to their miserable level.

2. Laugh it off

Nothing drives a social media troll crazier than seeing how little someone is affected by their nasty words and backwards ‘opinions.’ Use a bit of humour to lighten up the situation, because at the end of the day – who is this person, really? Not giving a troll their desired response will eventually wear them down and make them lose at their own pathetic game.

3. ‘Like’ it

If you’re someone who believes that online trolls don’t even deserve a millisecond of your day, then a simple liking of a comment will suffice. If it’s a Twitter troll and you’re feeling a bit generous with your time, then a retweet will show them who’s bawse! 🙂

4. Dirty tactics

I’m not one who believes in fighting fire with fire. With that said, I do believe that there are some idiots out there who deserved to be publicly named and shamed. If you ever have it in you to play dirty then take a screen shot of the abusive comment, post it on the platform where you have the most followers, tag the person (if possible), then let your fandom deal with the rest *upside down emoji*

5. Report, block and ignore

If all else fails…report, block and ignore.  I know this can be hard, but deep down most of us know that this is the best course of action to take. If a stranger is so worried about what you’re doing, it means they must lead a pathetic and lonely life. Pray for their happiness and you keep doing you.

On a final note…

If you’re really struggling to deal with online negativity, then rant to a trusted friend over a cuppa and remind yourself that even Beyoncé gets hate. I don’t know about you…..but by my logic, that basically means you’re a #kween! 🙂

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[23-04-18]

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Confession: my feelings are hurt…

youtube

Happy Monday guys and gals! 😛

I have a new video up on my YouTube channel where I share a story about why my snowflake feelings have recently been hurt – bloody millenials, right?

This video almost takes on the form of a video podcast because I speak straight through without editing out my goofy mistakes – safe to say you’ll be getting Filomena in a full package (well, kinda).

Be sure to watch my latest YouTube video when you get the chance, you might even find some comfort in hearing my little confession 😉

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TRAILER ALERT!!! Sneak peek into Channel 4’s Genderquake!!!

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If you happen to see it on the telly box in the next few days, be sure to tag me on Instagram or Twitter – in the meantime, grab yourself a cuppa for a taste of what you’ll be getting on May 7th!!! 😉

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Announcement: Genderquake hits the screens next month!!!

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Genderquake cast Photo credit: Channel 4

The cat is finally out of the bag….

I’ve been sitting on this for the good part of seven months at this stage and now that I’ve attended the private screening for this upcoming series, I can finally spill the beans!!!

Towards the end of last year, I participated in a two-part Channel 4 documentary called Genderquake. Filming for this groundbreaking series involved cohabiting with ten strangers for a full week to have spirited debates around gender, sexuality and everything in between!

Although I was a bit apprehensive about partaking in the programme initially, I have to say, I am proud of my contribution on the show. I met some truly wonderful people who challenged my ideologies in ways that continue to intrigue me today.

I look forward to seeing how it pans out for us all and I hope you guys tune in next month 🙂

Channel 4 Studios, London

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Genderquake airs on May 7th at 9PM on Channel 4

A massive thank you to Hamish Fergusson, Nick Hornby, Tina Flintoff, Mikey Trotter, Demi Doyle, and everyone at Optomen involved in the production of this show! xx

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7 days with no social media: self-liberating or hell on earth?

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This time last week, I committed to giving up social media for one full week. To answer your thoughts, I have not lost my mind – at least that’s what I like to tell myself. I had just  come to the realisation that mindlessly scrolling through Instagram was negatively impacting me in more ways than just one. My obsession with Twitter, an app that more or less promotes talking to yourself, was making me worry about getting relentlessly trolled and Whatsapp, although it doesn’t quit fit in with the other two, was a deadly poison for me.

In a nutshell, I had gotten to a stage where my vast majority of my relationships survived on an app or in front of a screen. Not in the real world.

I decided enough was enough, time to cut the cord and do something about what most would not consider to be an unhealthy addiction. As I briefly mentioned in my blog about being addicted to the gym, many people tend to associate the word addiction with alcohol, drugs and sex – if at all. Very few people consider the likes of social media or technology as something that can be an addiction even though there is an overwhelming amount of research to show that endless Facebook scrolling activates the same area of the brain as taking lethal drugs.

 

I don’t believe that social media addiction – or any addiction for that matter – is one to be taken lightly.  So this time last week, I decided to deactivate all the apps that reduced my level of productivity or generated feelings of negativity for me. This meant no Instagram, no Twitter, no Facebook, no YouTube, no WhatsApp and no Netflix (for good measure) for a full week. I didn’t ban the use of emails as I still needed to stay in touch with PR companies and brands, but anything that rendered me unproductive or didn’t help me flourish my mind or enrich my life, had to go.

No Instagram, no Twitter, no Facebook, no YouTube, no WhatsApp and no Netflix for one full week. Here’s how I survived….. 

DAY 1

My first day of waking up to zero notifications felt more like a relief than anything else. I felt unburdened by the usual messages and notifications that bombard my phone and mind. Since I didn’t have any WhatsApp messages to reply to, I didn’t waste any time lying in bed when I woke up. I got up for the gym at 9am and the after brunch, spent the day with the fam bam before getting stuck into some blog work. After having what I felt was a productive day, I struggled to fill the time that I would normally spend scrolling through Twitter highlights so I decided to hit the gym again in the evening – I know, twice in one day! I think it’s safe to say that day one with no social media was a success in the fitness department 🙂

DAY 2

I woke up as fresh as a daisy and well before my alarm since I had an early night – must have been wrecked from the two workouts! I had plans to spend the day with a friend who rescheduled for the next day so after my morning gym session and post workout fuel, I spent the day in Starbucks getting some writing done – over 16,00 words to be precise! When I got home, I filled the void with a 3 hour Joe Rogan podcast, which is always a learning experience for me. I then did some media prep before having another early night.

DAY 3

I hit the gym first thing in the morning – no surprise there. Then after my brunch, I met up with my friend and spent the day with him. I wasn’t spending the day exchanging voice notes with people I called my ‘friends,’ as I normally would. Instead, I was having a real life connection with a real friend which quickly made me realise that my over dependence on social media has been robbing me of my primitive desire to be around people. I want to say the third day of my social media detox was the day I realised I was a gal who didn’t need social media in my life…

Until this happened…..

DAY 4

While the first few days of my social media diet occasionally saw me instinctively picking up my phone to check for notifications, the reality of my situation really hit me after three nights of living in deprivation. On the third night, I had a dream – or shall I say, a nightmare that I was having a few  conversations on WhatsApp. It felt so painfully real until I woke up in the middle of the night realising I was suffering withdrawal symptoms. If that isn’t serious signs of addiction, then I don’t know what is!

DAY 5

In at an attempt to forget the WhatsApp nightmare, I decided to take another stab of teaching myself how to swim.  After months of living in a delusion and telling myself I would learn how to swim, I had gotten absolutely nowhere. One week of no social media and on the fifth day I managed to do three quarters of a length in the pool for the first time – I actually stayed afloat, kicked and stroked all at the same time! If anything at all were to come out of a no social media challenge, it is this!

DAY 6

Saturday. Usually the most depressing day of the week for a most singletons. But I went to the gym as per usually and spent the afternoon making a crap load of phone calls. The bulk of my day was spent with my mother before calling down to one of the girls. I had zero anxiety about not being on social media at all since I was around real humans outside my immediate family. No concerns about what Twitter trolls might be tweeting, nothing at all!  – but then again, why would I? I’m a pro swimmer now! 🙂

DAY 7

My last day of no social media saw me spending the afternoon in Starbucks,  editing the blog posts I wrote during the week. I planned for the week ahead and mentally prepared myself for rejoining the social media world. I saw another human being, which is always a positive but I’m not going to go counting my chickens just yet -WhatsApp is my first love, after all! 🙂

Reflecting on the past week….

As someone who usually spends the vast majority of time cultivating relationships on WhatsApp, I was surprised by how well I handled not being on social media for a full week – besides the weird dream I had mid-way through my challenge. Getting rid of Netflix in particular meant that I had early nights, which led to early mornings and increased productivity. I filled the time I would usually spend on social media with writing and focusing on various upcoming projects.

As for my obsession with WhatsApp? I dealt with it by spending a lot of my time connecting with  people face to face or making phone calls. Overall, my week was a massive success and rejoining social media today made me realise that I wasn’t really  missing much anyways! 🙂

I would 100% recommend it!

In fact, I may even make it a point to do this detox every couple of weeks. My overuse of social media was not only affecting my level of productivity, but it was also a contributing factor to my appearance anxiety. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I got a lot more done in the week that I refrained from using social media than I did in the two weeks prior to my challenge. But this had me in a better place both physically and mentally.

Have you ever done a no social media challenge? If so, I’d love to hear from you! Now that I am finally back on Twitter, you can Tweet me @FilomenaKaguako 🙂

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