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Posted on October 1, 2019

Tinder VS Nurture: has online dating exposed human nature?

Dating

Throughout my years of attempting to navigate the bewildering world of modern romance, I’ve had many aversions towards online dating and widely used apps such as Tinder and Plenty of Fish.

Without delving straight into it or coming across as deeply judgmental, I will simply say that for the good part of the first few years Tinder surfaced into today’s dating world, I was under the impression that they were reserved for singletons who had a hard time managing to secure dates in real life – to be perfectly fair, I have no doubt in my mind that many of us shared a similar sentiment at one point or another.

It is not untrue that the growing popularity of Tinder and online dating has positively impacted the calendars of not only the socially awkward types who could never work up the courage to ask someone out on a date face-to-face. But also the calendars of individuals who simply do not have the time to meet a potential partner in ‘traditional’ ways.

Even with that in mind, I can’t help but wonder if the pros of helping those who might just have an overwhelming fear of facing rejection could possibly outweigh the cons of replacing the instant chemistry, emotional connection and sexual tension that could only be detected in the presence of a human being towards whom we have an attraction for.

I recently had an epiphany about modern relationships which made me question a lot of my views surrounding them. It came about because I recognised that I was gradually turning into a cynic about love, sex and relationships. As someone who has always had a very positive – and possibly even naive outlook – on everything that falls within the scope of love and dating (we were all Charlotte Yorks at some stage in life), I found it disheartening to see myself develop an attitude that is the antithesis of what I’ve always stood for.

This forced me to look deeper into common behaviours within modern dating and recurring patterns that I’ve been seen both in myself and the failed relationships of others. It made me question the dreadful future a lot of singletons of today and Tinder users may be heading towards.

It forced me to question whether the existence of Tinder and online dating and the increased accessibility we have to each other is a large part of the reason why men and women alike are less attracted to the idea of settling down and are instead moving more towards being sexually liberated about whom we explore our carnal desires with.

Did the burning desire to freely explore our sexual choices always exist within us and are dating apps simply revealing what we’ve always subconsciously wanted or can we hold online dating at all accountable for the fact that less and less millennials are getting married?

tinder or marriage

It’s a loaded question that has many layers, not only because there are other factors that need to be taken into consideration, but particularly because it brings in the conversation of monogamy and its biological implications. It suggests monogamy is simply a social construct that goes against human nature – an argument for which there is a lot of evidence, but a discussion for another day.

The topic at hand is the classic ‘egg or the chicken’ debate. Did the desire to be sexually free birth a large number of dating apps or did the large number of dating apps birth a generation in which the the average age of brides and grooms continue to rise?

Before we can attempt to look at this objectively, we need to look at the facts. The internet was only made widely accessible about three decades ago. In retrospect, that isn’t a very long time to fully understand or even attempt to grasp the full repercussions of having such an advanced technology be so readily available. One of the first popular dating sites came about nearly 25 years ago, and following the likes of Ashley Madison and Seeking Arrangement, it led to a lot of negative connotations.

To the contrary, the first marriage records date back to the 19th Century in Ireland and much earlier in the U.S. So how can we truly know the impact of online dating on the human psyche and the evolution of marriage? Thy say social media addiction activates the same areas of the brain as taking a class A drug, now that alone should be enough to startle us.

According to the Central Statistics Office, there were 20, 389 opposite sex marriages in Ireland in 2018, a drop from 21,262 recorded from the previous year. The average age of brides and grooms last year were 34.4 years and 36.4 years respectively.

Granted, there are a considerable number of reasons for this and I am in no way shape or form suggesting that online dating alone is the reason why the average age of grooms in opposite-sex marriage was at the highest to date last year. But it does make you question what role dating technology currently plays and the impact it will continue to have in coming years. After all, for those who do get hitched, one in four couples end up going their separate way.

Now that’s something to think about.

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Posted on July 9, 2019

Spend a romantic night away at The Address at Dublin 1

Dating

I’ve recently had the pleasure of waking up to a rather picturesque view from my king size bed at The Address at Dublin 1. After a much needed overnight stay in the 4-star hotel which overlooked the long-standing central railway station of North Dublin, it quickly occurred to me that Dublin has a plethora of hidden gems that often go unnoticed during the hustle and bustle of city life.

So today I wanted to give some credit where it’s due and highlight some of the things I enjoyed about having a romantic night getaway in the heart of Dublin City Centre. It goes without saying that if you watched my Instagram stories during the time while I was away then you will have already seen a glimpse of what this contemporary hotel has to offer. Nevertheless, good staycations are always worth mentioning especially after my Instagram poll last week revealed that nearly 90% of voters have never stayed in The Address at Dublin 1.  

So without further ado, here are some things I loved about The Address at Dublin 1 and 5 reasons why you should consider spending a night away in this luxury hotel 🙂

1. Location

Being from Drogheda means that things can get a bit boring in my end of the woods (disclaimer: ignore what you read in the Indo please). The Address at Dublin 1 is a perfect escape if you’re looking to be right in the centre of the big smoke.

The hotel is located right across from the side entrance of Connolly Station and it is only seconds away from the red Luas line. If you’re completely new to Dublin or the Emerald Isle then it helps to add that one of the cities main shopping areas, Henry Street is no more than a five-minute walk from the hotel. 

 

2. City Views

After checking in at the front desk, the hotel receptionist was kind enough to walk me to my club room. When I first opened the door into the bedroom it was rather dim as the lights weren’t turned on. One of the first things he showed me was how to open the curtains using a high tech touch panel that responds to a simple hand movement and the second the curtains started opening I was in awe of what was before me.

The view of the city from the 6th floor was genuinely stunning which I probably don’t have to say because the photos really do speak for themselves. We were lucky enough to have been given a room so high up. But if you end up staying on one of the lower floors then worry not as all guests have access to The Club Lounge on the 7th floor so the view can always be enjoyed from there. 

 

3. The Club Lounge

The private elevator half way through the corridor on the ground floor can take all club room guests up to The Club Lounge on the 7th floor. The private area has complimentary pastries all day as well as a coffee machine and a selection of teas to help you kick start your day. It also has a smart TV system and freshly stocked fridge and dare I say… an executive chair.

Club Room guests can use their pre-programmed key cards to get  complimentary rooftop lounge access to indulge in refreshments throughout the day. If you don’t get so lucky to have a picturesque view of the city from your room then you’re guaranteed to get it from the rooftop lounge.

 

4. In-room technology 

The high tech amenities in The Address at Dublin 1 would turn anyone into a tech junkie. The technology in this 4-star hotel is innovative, smart and above all else, incredibly simple to use – take it from a gal who used to get confused about which remote to use at home! The Club Rooms have the latest in-room touch panels for controlling the lighting, temperature and as I previously mentioned, the opening and closing of the curtains.

It also has everything between a work desk and coffee machine (for the workaholic) and complimentary Wi-Fi and a flat screen TV (for the proud hedonist). When I stay in a hotel I always like knowing whether or not I’ll have access to an iron so if you’re anything like me, it helps to note that there is an iron and an ironing board in each room and the ensuite toilet is filled with organic products from Voya.

5. Food & Beverages

The Address at Dublin 1 really does spoil guests with good quality food and drink. The night of our stay we had dinner at McGettigan’s Cookhouse & Bar where I ordered fish & chips as a main (no surprise there) and fresh profiteroles for dessert. The food did not disappoint in the slightest which is precisely why I was not at all surprised by the extensive buffet selection we got to indulge in the following morning breakfast.

Guests can choose anything from a full Irish to wholesome options in the healthy section. If breakfast isn’t included in your booking then worry not as the Club Lounge offers a selection of complimentary bites such as fruit salad, croissants and a selection of yogurts with freshly brewed tea/coffee throughout the day. 

If this isn’t enough reason to visit The Address at Dublin 1 then I don’t know what is! It truly is one of Dublin’s little gems, snuggled away in the heart of the big smoke! 🙂

For bookings or inquiries, be sure to have a look on www.theaddressatdublin1.com 

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Disclaimer: This was a complimentary stay, but all views remain my own. 

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Posted on April 23, 2019

Dating women in their 20s VS dating women in their 30s

Dating

Yes, you read that correctly and no, I haven’t started swimming in a new dating pool…

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I guess I should address the second burning question some of you might have: what brings such an intriguing debate to a blog that typically explores topics surrounding dating and relationships from the perspective of a black female from a small town on the Emerald Isle?

The answer is pretty simple.

In my days of interrogating men of varying backgrounds and interests (as you do) there was something startling about their views that I took notice of fairly quickly. The majority of men I would have had heated discussions with about the dynamics of male/female relationships all shared a common denominator: a staggering number of them had similar sentiments about dating women of a certain generation.

Years ago, this topic would have not peaked my interest in the slightest. But now that I am gradually moving into a new age bracket, I’ve naturally developed a growing curiosity towards it. But rather than discussing the development of my dating life throughout my twenties, I thought the best way to tackle this would be to get an honest opinion from someone whom I have often turned to for genuine dating advice.

Without further ado, here is an anonymous blog contribution from a 30-something year old Irish male who will share his thoughts on the matter 🙂

So I have been asked to write down some of my thoughts on dating and my observations on the scene. I myself am no shining example of a human but I would stick myself somewhere in the middle of that list. 

On to the topic at hand, the first thing is finding a woman to date: do you do it old school and analogue or digital? Nowadays we are spoiled with options.Trying to get a date growing up was scary as hell but also fun. You could walk up to a girl and start talking, be polite or maybe a bit cheeky, whichever works and then ask for her number. You would try your best not to sweat, panic or mumble while she more than often was actually quite sound and understanding. Regardless of whether or not they were interested, they respected the effort. 

Well that’s all in the past and as we all know digital communication has taken over everything, and now single again in my mid-thirties I was left with the challenge of getting to know this new form of interaction. Tinder seemed like the most logical starting point so I set about doing my research into how it works to get myself off on the right foot.  

As most of you know …

The first option beyond which gender you would like to match with is age, which is exactly what is being discussed in this blog. So what are the differences between dating women of varying ages from the point of view of a 35-year-old man. After a number of dates with “women” (girls) in their mid-twenties I learned something awesome. I experienced something of what it would be like to be an old rich guy who got a divorce and now has his new trophy girlfriend. I was literally able to have map out holidays, redecorated the front room, plan out the next day in work all in my head while also keeping up with the conversation at hand. Needless to say, the idea of banter did not exist. For me this is a must.

The next age range was roughly 27 to 32. But I will skip this one for now and focus on 32 plus. 

What can I say, sophisticated, witty, well-dressed are just some of the observations any man with a half an eye could make. The sad truth is that I noticed there was a desperation to the dates. Sometimes it came across as knowing what they want, but often I had the impression that they were like that guy in the night club at half two in the morning just trying to chat everyone up because he’s panicking at the idea of going home alone again. I get it, I have been to too many weddings over the last couple of years and they are like the bouncer of our lives telling us to drink up and go home, and most likely alone if it is that late. 

I think these were the first generation of women who truly had close to the opportunities men had and along with this were also sold a lie. 

Like everyone in the 80’s/90’s was sold the lie that if you got a degree you could do anything. Women of the same age were told they can have it all. Has anyone had it all? With the ever-increasing acceptance of social behaviours and career opportunities I think some of this generation thought they could simply focus on career and then pick up a man once they had achieved what they wanted. Now with the unfair situation of the ticking biological clock the pressure is on and how can a healthy relationship develop in this constraint while also trying to hold down a career and figure out a mortgage.

So (my favourite word and greatest indicator of my lack of intellect), to the remaining group…

I could focus on the positives of which there are many or I could focus on the negatives. But the truth of the matter is it is not the difference in age, it’s the difference in narrative that they were sold. I found this generation to be fully aware of the impossible challenge of having it all. They understood that finding an acceptable partner to try and make a life with is not a past time but a job in itself and every jobs require sacrifices. Unlike the generation before them they knew what they wanted and how to get it. Surely this is the narrative that should be sold, to men included, you cannot have it all but if you are lucky, work hard, choose wisely maybe you can get what is important to you.

Until next time,

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Posted on March 4, 2019

10 ways to get a text back on Bumble

Dating

Anyone who has ever flirted with the idea of using online dating as a means of finding a partner would undoubtedly corroborate my words: it is slim pickings out there. While I have been quite fortunate with the vast majority of dates I’ve had (which contrary to what some of you may think have been few or far in between) I still recognise that the world of modern dating has become an absolute minefield.

If you’re not yet familiar with my sentiments towards the likes of Plenty of Fish and Tinder, then I implore you to read 12 things I’ve learned from being on POF and then watch my YouTube video titled 5 things Irish guys should never say to a black girl on Tinder (gotta love a shameless plug in).

A less popular dating app, yet one I would consider to be of better quality than the aforementioned two, surfaced the modern dating sphere towards the end of 2014. Social networking app, Bumble can be used for business purposes (Bumble Bizz), finding new friends (Bumble BFF) or for dating (Bumble Date).

While I do feel that it ranks quite high in the echelon of dating apps, it often gets a bad rap for being a ‘feminist dating app.’ Why? Because in all heterosexual matches, it is up to the woman to message the guy first.

Make of this what you will, but I personally think it is an excellent idea. It is one of the reasons I was drawn to Bumble in the first place. Putting the power in the hands of the woman means we don’t have to worry about getting bombarded by the weird and creepy messages that many of us would have experienced on other apps. I also think it can be pretty beneficial to men who are shy and a bit inexperienced in the dating realm.

Of course, I can’t speak for men but when I’ve asked male Bumble users about their thoughts on this set up, the general consensus seemed to be that women didn’t make a huge effort in the first text. This wouldn’t exactly start things off in an exciting way and would often lead to the usual small talk which let’s be honest, many of us are jaded by at this point.

Worst case scenario for the woman?  Not getting a reply at all.

Bearing this in mind, I’ve decided to compile a list of creative ways women can get the ball rolling on Bumble.  So without further ado, here at 10 ways you can get a text back on Bumble in 2019 🙂

1. Always start with a question that isn’t ‘how are you?’

Using the info you pull from their bio is always effective *wink* *wink*

2. Hone in on that common interest

Can’t fault a gal for not showing a bit of passion!

3. Massage that male ego

Men and their egos, huh?

4. Fetishise him

Just kidding. But speaking of fetishes

5. You could also shake things up a bit by instilling paranoia

Turns out we went to the same college – boring.

6. Make up a chat up line by pulling from his profile

Cheesy, but it works!

7. ALWAYS acknowledge pet animals

This seems like a given.

8. A bitta banter never hurt anyone

To which I responded ‘nothing but the best’

9. The Neil Strauss ‘neg’ approach

For those of you who don’t know, a neg is akin to a back-handed compliment.

10. But try not to take it too far ladies as it might lead to him cutting off all ties…

And another one bits the dust.

What are some of the things you’ve done to try and get a text back on Bumble? I would love to know! tweet me @FilomenaKaguako 🙂

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Posted on December 3, 2018

Skate and date with Dundrum On Ice

Dating

Whether you’re planning a first date with a new love interest, keeping the spark alive in a comfortable relationship or looking for ways to rekindle an old flame, a prerequisite for any successful date consists of two things: sparkling conversation and good old fashioned fun! 🙂

The Skate and Date initiative with Dundrum On Ice offers exactly that (if not more) by providing a top quality seasonal ice skating experience for ice skating lovers of all levels.

From the amateur skater to the self-proclaimed pro, anyone who is even remotely interested in this winter activity can enjoy this fun experience along with an enticing two-course meal in Cookes restaurant across the way.

How does it work?

Dundrum On Ice  has partnered with Cookes Restaurant to give you the ultimate festive date this Christmas in Dublin’s much-loved Dundrum Town Centre.

The 500 meter square rink is opened until the 13th of January of next year, giving you ample time to organise an adrenaline-fueled date followed by a romantic sit down meal.

Tickets for ice skating cost €16 pp and when you present it to the lovely staff at Cookes, you have the option of enjoying a two-course lunch for €15 pp or a 2-course dinner for €18 pp – an absolute steal!

What if I’m not in a couple?

Lone wolves, worry not! This deal isn’t confined to just couples – we live in a democracy after all! 🙂

Singletons can equally enjoy the benefits of this Skate and Date deal by organising a fun day out with a group of friends.

And if you really want to share the love this festive season, you can give the gift of skating this Christmas with a Dundrum On Ice gift voucher for an amount of your choosing.

Now back to the romance….

One spicy reason to take advantage of this Skate and Date initiative is to increase chemistry in your relationship. According to scientific research, moments of anxiety and adrenaline rushes can lead to heightened sexual attraction – well, that’s one way to make a date memorable!

Other fun facts about ice skating:

  • Ice skating developed from the old school dance, the Waltz.
  • The ‘layback spin,’ a move that requires a great deal of flexibility is one that females tend to have more success doing in comparison to men *cough* women are better than men *cough*
  • Gemma Collins went down one dress size after signing up to Dancing On Ice – now if that isn’t enough of a reason to go, then I don’t know what is!

At the very least, Skate and Date will get you and your other half out of the Netflix-and-chill rut you might be in! 😛

Will you be strutting your stuff on the ice rink this year? I would love to know! Tweet me @FilomenaKaguako and be sure to book your Skate and Date tickets here.

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Posted on October 30, 2018

4 Reasons To Get It On This Halloween

Dating

Halloween only comes once a year, but all of the sweets tend to last for weeks – unless of course you’re living in my household! But just because the annual holiday is largely driven towards kids, it doesn’t mean that adults can’t reap the benefits too!

Whether you’re in a committed relationship or a casual one, rolling in the hay has some benefits that can make your Halloween just as fun this year!

So without further ado,here are 4 ways you can take advantage of this opportunity to “spook up” your love life 🙂

1. Role Playing

Sexy costumes. They’re one of the biggest clichés surrounding Halloween. But role playing in the bedroom can add spice to your relationship and sex life. It’s a good idea any time of year, but what better occasion than Halloween? Maybe you have a cute couple’s costume. Perhaps you go into the party as a single Cinderella, only to come across a hot Prince Charming. Either way, getting a little creative can make for one unforgettable night.

2. Try some spooky positions

Take role play one step further by introducing new positions (and maybe some candy) into the bedroom. The idea of sleeping with another character may turn you on more than enough, but why not have some extra fun and try a Halloween themed position or two while you’re at it? Using Twizzlers for bondage is a kinky (and tasty) twist. If you’re dressed up as a character from True Blood, maybe try The Vampire’s Kiss? Word to the wise: if you’re gonna be sucking neck all night, make sure you’re cold sore-free.

3. Burn off those candy calories

Everyone indulges in a few sweets on Halloween, but we all know how sugary and chock full of calories our favorite treat may be. According to a study of Montreal couples, on average, sex burns 3.6 calories per minute. Unfortunately for ladies, men tend to burn more calories during each session, with an average of 101 calories, compared to just 69 for women. But if you incorporate candy into the bedroom, like previously suggested, you can kill two birds with one stone!

4. Eat more candy

Maybe you just had sex to burn off the calories from those peanut butter cups you ate. Even better yet, you can use sex as an excuse to eat more candy than you normally would! Use the helpful chart below to figure out just how many Snickers you can eat. For some of the higher calorie treats, try incorporating more foreplay into your routine in order to burn some extra calories.

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Posted on June 11, 2018

10 things all singletons can learn from Love Island 2018

Dating

Let’s be clear on something: contrary to what my Twitter feed will have you think, I am not a Love Island superfan. In fact, this is the first year I tuned in to the show from the very beginning – I know, I was a bit late jumping joining the bandwagon! Last year, my slow addiction to the reality show developed mid-season, after catching a glimpse of the tension created by Muggy Mike.

Watching all the drama unfold in the villa before Amber & Kem took home the prize money, made me realised that you don’t have to be a qualified doctor to diagnose an unhealthy addiction towards television drama. Much like anyone else who has a tendency of investing their feelings into onscreen relationships, the new series of Love Island has already taken an emotional toll on us ITV viewers.

Tuning in from the beginning of the season means I’ll have a better understanding of the inner workings of the show as well as the game plan of schneaky contestants (I can think of a few names). But rather than naming and shaming – I probably do enough of that on Twitter anyways, I’ve decided to compile a list of meaningful love lessons us singletons can learn about dating from week one of this year’s Love Island.

Only a week into seeing sloppy kisses on screen and uncomfortable love triangles, but I’ve already picked up on some major faux pas in the world of dating *puts on Carrie Bradshaw hat*

Here are 10 things all singletons can learn from week one of Love Island 2018:

1. Not all that glitters is gold

2. Insecurities follow you until you mend your heart 

3. Acting dumb will never be cute

4. Girls really don’t want a good guy

5. Never underestimate the power of bro code

6. Female ageing is still highly stigmatised 

7. If it ain’t white, it ain’t ‘right’ 😒

8.Some women truly are masochists

9. Politics isn’t for everyone

10. If you want true love, choose personality over looks – always!

What do you make of this year’s Love Island? I would love to know your thoughts! Tweet me @FilomenaKaguako 🙂 

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Love Island airs on ITV2 at 9pm, every night except Saturday.

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Posted on February 27, 2018

Do men age better than women?

Dating

TimeHop: A nifty Facebook feature designed to depress individuals who have surpassed the prime of their beauty (for those of you wondering).

In my early twenties (when I still had my looks going for me), I used to take pride in the fact that I was never enticed by the idea of plastic surgery. Now some of you may not be surprised by the concept of a young twenty something year old – with not a wrinkle in sight – not finding cosmetic surgery attractive. But believe it or not, I would have known plenty of ladies who spoke quite enthusiastically about surgery from a very young age.

Whether I had a big booty or not (I didn’t), any insecurity I had growing up was always something I was willing to suffer through with. I wanted to age naturally and with grace, even if I was a skinny black girl with a ‘pancake’ bum. All the Kylie Jenners in the world would not have made me change my mind about plastic surgery – again, I was in my early twenties so I still had my looks going for me, the importance of this cannot be overstated.

Fast forward a few years (I won’t say how many) but fast forward to a point in my life where I now understand why some women would opt for elective procedures that are said to prevent the much-dreaded “mature” look. There is nothing scarier than looking at an old photograph of yourself at the age of what you regard as the prime of your beauty only to stare back at your own reflection and see that.

Note: If you try this at home, you’re at your own risk.

A lot can change in a short space of time, and these changes can happen fast. So much like any millennial experiencing early signs of aging, I turned to my much-trusted support system: Instagram, every girl’s most trustworthy and reliable friend (that was sarcasm).

Using an Instagram poll, I asked them to vote on something I have believed for a very long time to be true: do men age better than women?

Since this is something I have always believed, I was in complete shock by how divided the answers were. Some respondants thought the answer was obvious and shared similar views to me, while others believed the debate should be around the stigmas attached to female aging. While it isn’t difficult to reason with both of these views, make of what you will on the other more questionable comments people had on the matter.

I did an even split for male and female respondents so that I don’t appear to be propagating my own aging agenda 🙂

  • Question: Do men age better than women?
  • Final result: 58% Yes | 42% No

Male responses

It’s acceptable for a man to grow into a silver fox but women are pressured into looking younger and to not show signs of aging.

Most women are entirely reliant on their looks, they are not subject to the same criteria as men and yet they want all the sh!t men have worked for.

People like the idea of a modern world where we can say women age just as well as men because that’s a nice warm thing for everybody to believe in but that’s just not true. Women have the power from 18 to 30 and then from that point it starts dipping. Men have no power whatsoever till we’re about 28, a woman won’t even look at you until then.

It’s societal expectations. Some men hit their mid to late 20s and look the same into their late 30s/40. I think a part of that is also that we don’t stop growing physically until we hit 25 (I think). I do often wonder though if make up has long term negative effects on someone’s skin from wearing it so often?

Women are better looking for longer, men only get to look good when they’re silver foxes, can’t we have that at least😅

Female responses

In my opinion they don’t age well. I am looking at the all round picture as looks can be deceiving. Men toil alot in their life time, their bodies endure so much that women are the only ones who out live them regardless lol I know this may sound offensive and traditional but it’s true.

Noooooo they don’t! I’m 11months older than my husband and everyone thinks I’m younger than him. Last year a woman thought I was his daughter. She was drunk…but yano It still counts 😂😂

Society is obsessed with women’s beauty being linked to youthfulness. Even in how they pay compliments, a man looking younger than his age is nearly negative and for women a great thing. We say things like “Oh 40 is the new 20”.

Yes they do, it’s so depressing 😭

Women know that after a certain age everything starts to go south in the looks department, that’s why they feel the need to “trap” men.

Regardless of the ratio of yes to no, there is no denying that we still have a lot of mixed responses here. Thanks to my *early aging signs that we shall not yet speak of* I will continue to think that among many other things, us women do not have it easy in the aging department.

So to the person who first coined the phrase ‘black don’t crack,’ I’d like a refund.

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[27/2/2018]

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Posted on February 14, 2018

That sugar baby life: dreamy romance or glorified prostitution?

Dating

When I first heard about sugar relationships, I was rather naive about the whole concept. The notion that a wrinkled  wealthy man could financially support a young and attractive woman while asking for nothing but her presence in return was not something that set off any alarm bells.

I thought, why wouldn’t a financially stable man support a twenty something year old through college if he has the means to? If he can afford it and she can return the favour by giving him whatever is in the parameters of their sugar arrangement (her ‘presence’) then isn’t it a win for everyone!? How very naive of me indeed….

Thanks to my newly found wisdom of sugar dating and all other relationships that exist in the realm of the sugar world, I am now inclined to think otherwise.

My growing obsession with the dynamics of such a relationship led me to jump into the sugar bowl to dig up on the matter. After having joined SeekingArrangement, an online dating site that aims to link up older and financially stable individuals (usually men that go by the term sugar daddy/SD) with their commonly young and impressionable female counterparts (sugar baby/SB), I can now say that my views regarding sugar daddy and sugar baby relationships have shifted drastically.

It is safe to say that the ‘on your terms’ relationships that a lot of sugar dating websites try to sell are not to be taken at face value – at least not if you’re the SB anyways! Many men who use sugar dating sites are not far off from searching for escort. They use the guise of a ‘structured’ relationship to have young SBs bend to their will. But before we touch on whether or not being a sugar baby is akin to being a sex worker, I think it is important to outline the different types of sugar daddies that exist on these dating sites…..

Here are 10 types of sugar daddies that are likely to be found online 🙂

1. Fake Daddy

Allow me to start with the most obvious of types: fake daddies. These are men (or women) that set up online profiles pretending to have a bank account in the Cayman Island and a yacht somewhere in the south of France. They are the ones who take advantage of the fact that almost anyone can mask as anything once there is a screen in front of them.

2. Wannabe Daddy

This is the type of  SD that warrants a bit of sympathy. In the perfect world, he would have the attention of a hot blonde that is half his age to shower with gifts and treat like royalty. He would give her everything and anything she could ever ask for. The problem is, he can’t afford the lifestyle he wants to have with a SB and the life that he so desperately craves is therefore one that has to be left to his imagination (ergo the sympathy).

3. Salt Daddy

This type of SD is similar to the wannabe daddy in the sense that he can’t afford to be a ‘real’ sugar daddy. What separates the salt daddy from the wannabe daddy however, is that he actively seeks naive women knowing well he has has nothing substantial to offer. He uses trickery and manipulation to get his way with sugar babies and when it’s time for this salt papi to holdup his end of the agreement, he is nowhere to be found!

4. The Married but Looking Daddy

The married but looking daddy is probably the most common type of SD that exists in the sugar world. Some require discretion and secrecy from their SB while others claim that their partner is aware of their wandering eye. Regardless of the situation, the thought of this type of SD wanting a sugar baby can be deeply disturbing when his sugar baby’s age matches that of his daughter.

5. Submissive Daddy 

This is the type of daddy who gets off on taking on a not-so-daddy role. Not only does he derive sexual pleasure from having dominant women abuse his wallet, but it is a prerequisite that she humiliates him in the process. He thrives off anything from getting his marching orders from a powerful woman after she’s drained him of all his cash at an ‘ATM meet,’ to fulfilling various embarrassing tasks that she demands of him afterwards.

6. Peter Pan Daddy

The Peter Pan daddy is one who simply  just enjoys the company of a young and attractive woman.Having younger company brings out a side of him that he refuses to let go of. If she happens to  need mentorship or a bit of financial support, he would give a helping hand. But only if he can.

7. Pimp Daddy 

On the flip side, we have the pimp daddy. This is the SD who treats sugar dating sites like it’s for finding escorts. He has a sense of entitlement and when he makes demands, he expects them to be met. The pimp daddy claims to be firmly against using professional escorts, yet he speaks to his sugar babies like they are ladies of the night.

8. Online Daddy

This type of daddy has no intention of pursing an arrangement outside the virtual world. He is the type of SD that either lives overseas or travels quite regularly. He can give a good talk about meeting up and discussing a mutually beneficial arrangement, but the reality of it is that he quite enjoys the online chats and texts.

9. The Mammy and Daddy, ‘Daddy’

Although not as common as some of the others, the mammy and daddy type of profiles seek a younger SB to help spruce things up in the bedroom. They may be swingers or they may simply be two people who feel that they’re about a decade deep into the relationship. This type of SD profile just wants to spice things up before kids are factored into their relationship.

10. Dream Daddy

This type of daddy has the means to provide financial, mental and emotional support to a potential sugar baby. Although he has a busy schedule, the dream daddy never fails to hold up his end of the arrangement when he has one. Since he  doesn’t ask for anything sexual in return for his generosity, one would question whether or not he has a functioning libido. Any SB who lands one of these has basically hit the jackpot!!

While it is clear from this list that there isn’t just one type of SD that exists, I do get the impression that the majority of sugar relationships run on secrecy, lies, sex and money. After weeks of interrogating active users of sugar dating sites and attempting to discover the motivations behind why people use them, I am starting to think that the standard SD/SB arrangement is adjacent to sex work (when there is intimacy involved, that is).

In a way, I also feel like the dynamics of the average sugar relationship brings women decades back to when they were forced to stay at home and depend on their partners for financial support. But above all else, this new discovery makes me wonder whether or not women inherently seek out men who can provide them with financial security.

The growing popularity of sugar arrangements and the use of sugar dating sites begs the question of whether or not men and women really are biologically hardwired to think and behave differently when it comes to matters of dating, whether it is part of a woman’s genetic makeup to look for security in a man and whether men are biologically geared towards mainly wanting………… do I really need to say it? 🙂

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Posted on August 24, 2017

5 reasons he might call you a psycho

Dating

Ladies, if you’ve ever been called a psycho by a man then I’m sure you’ll resonate with my latest YouTube video. I’ve explored some of the reasons why men call women psychos.

I hope you enjoy watching it as much as I enjoyed putting it together for you guys, would love to hear your feedback! 🙂

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Posted on August 16, 2017

How to stay single (satire)

Dating

This is probably going to be the shortest post I’ll ever write on this blog, the reason being that I originally intended for this to be a tweet. However, my inner satirist felt compelled to share it with a wider audience, so here are three simple steps for staying  happily single:

Step 1: Send the person you’re seeing a psycho “breakup” text when you’re menstruating

Step 2: Let the argument escalate to the point where you actually break up

Step 3: Convince yourself that it was never going to work anyways

For more sarcasm and satire, check out 12 things I learned from being on POF  🙂

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Posted on January 16, 2017

New year, new……. dude? 10 tips for having sex with a new partner

Dating

new year new dude

It’s mid-January.  So that means the majority of you are either trying to convince yourself that this is the year you will finally commit to the New Year’s resolutions you set for yourself nearly half a decade ago, or you’ve already succumb to the defeatist attitude by deciding your New Year’s resolutions were never really that achievable to begin with- people are so predictable *insert eye roll emoji*

As you can probably tell, I’ve never really been much of a believer in New Year’s resolutions. So my first blog post of 2017 is not going to be about the goals I’ve set myself this year. Instead, it is going to be about something both you and I have experienced in the past, and if there isn’t a ring on your finger, then the chances are you will relive this exciting and sometimes scary moment again – sex with a new person.

No matter what way you slice it, first-time sexual encounters are nearly always awkward. Even the most body confident person in the world would feel a little bit timid about showing off their goods to a new person.

The last time I exposed my sexual self to somebody new, I was as nervous as anybody else who’s put their sex life on the back burner for a year would be. So I’m far from an expert in this. But as the saying goes, sometimes you gotta fake it until you make it – and I don’t mean literally here! 🙂

1. Bring a rubber….or two

Without sounding like you mother here, always, always, always use protection. Using a rubber is an absolute must when it comes to having sex with a new person. If both parties know that sex is on the cards, then there really is no reason to not bring one – that goes for both of you!

2. Dress to impress

The right underwear will give you that extra bit of confidence and help you get your senses going. If you have a special go-to lingerie set that never fails to impress, then it’s time to dig that out of your sexrobe. As well as boosting your confidence, a good set will blow his mind. Either go hard or go home – no pun intended.

3. Don’t overload on alcohol

It’s always a good idea to take the edge off a bit with a glass of vino. But don’t go downing a full bottle of wine or anything like that. After all, you do want to remember your first time together. Just drink enough to help you relax and not worry about why you didn’t start working out eight months ago.

4. Easy tiger

There’s no point in diving into things right away. Take your time in exploring each other’s needs and wants. The build up of sex and discovering each other’s preferences is part of what makes it so enjoyable and fun.

5. Trim the hedge

I know this comes down to personal preferences, but I think we can all agree that having a presentable lady garden the first time you have sex with someone increases your chances of being asked out again – JOKE! But in all honesty, tidying up gives you one less thing to worry about on the night.

new year new dude 2

6. Technical issues

Contrary to the popular belief that all men are dogs who spend every waking moment trying to cover their raging boner, it is not uncommon for their manhood to misbehave and erm… not stay up. There are a number of reasons for why this can happen, just try not to take it personally. Instead offer a back massage or something to help you both relax.

7. Use your words

If there is something your new guy is doing that you don’t particularly like, communicate it. Likewise, if there is something you really like then make that known. Communication is key when it comes to enjoying sex with a new partner. Once you’ve both communicated your desires you’ll get the most out of the moment.

8. It’s not a rodeo

As much as you might be tempted to show off your skills to wow him, try to hold off until you get a little bit more comfortable with one another. Consider the first time as a preview of what’s to come – the kinky mask fetishes and sadistic fantasies can wait. Not only does it give you both something to look forward to, but it also leaves a sense of mystery too.

9. The let down

Sometimes, just sometimes, the build up to sex during the talking stages of a new relationship is actually better than the real thing. So don’t be disappointed if the sex is not exactly how you envisioned it to be. At the end of the day, no two sexual encounters are ever the same. It all comes down to getting familiar with each other’s bodies. Practice makes perfect!

10. Enjoy it

Just try to relax and enjoy the moment!  Remember, you’ve done this before, the only thing that’s different here is the person you’re doing it with – at the end of the day, there are only so many ways you can ride a bike! 🙂

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