Posted on January 2, 2016

Celibacy: One year on


celibacy 3

This time last week, I was absolutely dreading writing this article, let alone actually publishing it. But after having received one of the most heart-warming gifts by a very good friend of mine, of a framed certificate to congratulate me on completing 12 months of celibacy, I took it as a sign from the universe that I needed to go live with this.

I think the path of celibacy is something people should be made aware of. And I most definitely think that it is a topic that needs to be discussed by today’s generation. If you think about it, sex is too easy to talk about. Let’s face it, it’s absolutely everywhere. Having sex with ‘zero commitments’ has become so common that we have come to a stage where relationships have lost any sort of meaning, never mind the act of actually making love – excuse me if that’s no longer a socially acceptable term to use.

Since sex is so easily available, and people are just randomly jumping into bed with strangers, the thought of willingly giving up sex just seems absurd to the Netflix and Chill generation. Actually, it is unheard of.

netflix and chill

So when I told some of my friends that I had decided to take a vow of celibacy for a full year, most of them laughed in my face. Some of them even questioned if I were gay. To them, it seemed like an impossible task, some would even say self-punishment.

I mean why in the good name of God would anybody want to voluntarily deprive themselves of sex for a full year? Who in the right mind decides they want to be sexless for a full 365 days? I’d love to tell you that the answer to that is a broken-hearted girl and just call it a day. But to be honest, it was a lot more than that. It was a mixture of emotions and a mountain of issues piling up one after the other.

For starters, I was just out of a relationship (if I could even call it that), which made me jump on the ‘All men are %$$holes bandwagon’. It was an absolute rollercoaster of many highs, but a lot more lows. My love and sex life took a pivotal turn after it.  Enough was enough.

hearts rarely

I had gotten come to a point in my life where I finally realised I deserved so much better. I realised I had been giving my body to men who were not truly worthy of it.To men who charmed the pants off me (literally) and then poof! Off they were.

I’m not saying that I was ever wreckless with sex. But I will admit that I went into the majority of my sexual relationships with both eyes closed. Up until now, I was absolutely blind. Blind of the emotional consequences, the mental consequences and everything else that comes with sharing your body with another soul. So this time last year I made the conscious decision to go celibate for a full year.

To say it was difficult, is an understatement. During my ‘dry spell’, nature’s monthly visits were definitely a lot harder to handle. I was extraordinarily sentimental and often felt that nobody wanted me because my body wasn’t good enough when in fact it was my very own decision to become celibate.

your naked body

However,the positives of taking on a life of celibacy definitely overweighed the negatives. I have learnt to value myself and my body without seeking sexual partners to that for me. I have learnt to set my own standards and not accept the standards which have been placed on me. But most importantly, I have learnt that I am worth waiting for.

I have always been a firm believer of making yourself happy first.I honestly think that the most important relationship we will ever have in this world is the relationship we have with ourselves. We are never going to get any closer to happiness by sharing our bodies with others-  if anything, it does the exact opposite. Yet, there I was going against my so-called beliefs, making the same mistakes time after time.

A wise woman once told me that each person we have sex with leaves their energy with us and I think this statement holds so much truth. I would have never thought so years ago, but I do now. I am in no shape or form trying to force celibacy onto anyone, at the end of the day it is your body, not mine. I just feel that women (and man alike) should be made more aware of who they give their bodies to and contemplate whether or not these people are deserving of it.

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  • Reply Nirina Plunkett January 2, 2016 at 12:03 pm

    Such. An. Amazing. Piece! xx

  • Reply Writings Of A Single Girl February 24, 2016 at 4:22 pm

    Hi Filomena,
    I really enjoyed this post. Fair play to you for deciding to do that without far of what people would say/do. I am not one who can seperate sex & emotion and have made the mistake of trying to. It really does affect you. I have been celibate for almost two years but not by choice. Well I suppose by choice as I have not been dating anyone long enough who I felt I wanted to sleep with and I don’t do one night stands.
    Sorry for the ramblings ha, I just wanted to say I enjoyed reading your experience and will have to have a look at some other posts.
    Bré x

    • Reply Bellefbeauty March 2, 2016 at 6:20 pm

      Ramble away! I’m all ears when it comes to this stuff! I’m really glad you enjoyed reading my post and found that you can resonate with it! There’s always a bit of comfort in knowing you’re not alone…..I must have a look at your blog too as I already love the name of it!!! Thanks so much for your comments xxx

  • Reply morrigan March 2, 2017 at 7:08 am

    This is such a lovely piece; exactly what I was looking for during my celibate cyber researching.

    One thing though, a typo…
    “I had gotten come to a point in my life where I finally realised I deserved so much better,”
    I had gotten ‘come’… realised I deserved so much better.
    Extra word makes for a funny sexual innuendo.
    Thanks, though!!!

    • Reply Bellefbeauty March 2, 2017 at 2:47 pm

      Well spotted @ funny sexual innuendo!!! I’m tempted to leave it now for the craic! Hahaha thanks so much for reading and I’m glad you found it helpful xx

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