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I would consider myself to be quite a self-reliant person. On my days off work, I’d be pretty content with simply going to the gym for a few hours, doing a bit of writing, meal prepping for the week ahead…. I’ve never really been the type to derive happiness from always being around others. I maintain the majority of my friendships through endless voice noting, which suits me fine. It’s not that I don’t like being around others, I just really enjoy my own company – so much so that my brothers have nicknamed me Anne Frank! So as you’ve probably gathered, the single life is something I’ve pretty much allowed myself to become accustomed to.

But like everything in life, being perpetually single has its disadvantages.  There are times when the idea of having a ‘bae’ again doesn’t sound like the worst thing in the world. Like that time when I needed a new phone, I instantly thought ‘having a boyfriend would come in handy right about now,’ or all the times when I’ve had to cover the lunch bill by myself thinking ‘if I had a boyfriend, we’d be going Dutch on this’ – clearly, having a boyfriend can be an investment in more ways than just one!

But all jokes aside, I have to admit that I’ve occasionally wondered how different my life would be if I had a significant other to share it with.  Let’s face it, modern day dating is a psychological war field (Tinder has us ruined) and it can leave hopeful singletons with many wounds – some deeper than others.

So I’ve compiled a list of #singlegirlproblems that us lonesome gals are forced to live with on an almost day-to-day basis – because the couples goals account on Instagram isn’t a fat enough reminder of singleness *eye roll emoji*

1. F**kboys

A f**kboy (n) is someone who you simply can’t take seriously. They’re timewasters, dead weights, life-sucking creatures. Dealing with f**kboys before settling down is almost a rite of passage nowadays. Continuously having to weed them out and falling into their f**kery trap time after time, only to realise that they’re a dime a dozen.

2. Weekends

While are your friends are off playing happy families with their other half, you’re too busy playing back-to-back episodes of the latest murder documentary. Of course if you had a boyfriend you’d be having sex on a Friday night instead, but you don’t so you’ll just have to settle for binging on Making a Murderer – ah well, you could be watching worse things!

3. Cold nights

With the cold slowly creeping in on us, the hunt for a Winter bae is at a peak. The closer it gets to Winter, the more you find yourself scrolling through your friend zone list to see who could make a potential faux-beau. I don’t blame you, it is a sad affair to not have a warm body to accompany you under the duvet in mid-November – go hard or go home right?

4. Lonely nights

It’s one thing to have the chills under the duvet, but to be horny on top of that is just the peak of the iceberg. Maybe it’s time to invest in Winter toys. Lots and lots of pretty toys.

5. Post shave feels

That feeling you get after shaving. You’re smooth, you feel sexy, you want to….. oh no wait, you can’t do that, you’re single!

6. Sneaky set ups

‘John is looking very well isn’t he?’ Nudge nudge, wink wink, hint hint. You guessed it, well-meaning friends who often think of you as a charity case! Well on behalf of all single gals across the globe, I would like to say that John looks exactly as he did last week and he will most likely look the same next week. We don’t need your help and we can live without your pity. Thanks, but no thanks.

7. You and a ‘plus one’

You really feel the sting of being single when you get an invite that says ‘you and your guest’ or see a Facebook post that says ‘tag who you would bring’ to this romantic restaurant….. I desperately need an eye roll emoji for these blog posts!

8. The million-dollar question

If it’s not the pity look, it’s ‘what you single for? You can have anyone, shur you’re unreal looking’ or something along those lines… as if my looks has anything to do with why I occasionally battle with Single Girl Syndrome. Maybe, just maybe I haven’t come across someone I like enough to make me want to change my selfish ways, ever think about that Susan?

9. The mistletoe

If you didn’t feel the urge to single Justin Bieber’s ‘under the misteltoe’ after that, then you’re doing this whole single life thing entirely wrong! Not having a holiday beau means more than missing out on an extra Christmas gift. It also means saying goodbye to a kiss under the mistletoe.

10. The big countdown

That dreaded moment before the final countdown to the New Year. Everyone is coupled off, ready for their kiss and with only a few minutes before midnight, you have to choose between finding someone yourself so you don’t look like a loser or remaining that strong independent woman that you were always meant to be. If you choose the latter, then I will see you at the bar! I say kudos to us for not conforming to society’s way of living. In the words of Robyn ‘I’m not the girl you’re taking home, I keep dancing on my own……’

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Facebook TimeHop enlightened me on many things…

At 20, I thought I was indispensable. I whole-heartedly believed that if anyone spent enough time with me that they would eventually want to be like me. I was convinced that if I were anybody else, I’d be my own best friend. I would marry myself if I were a man. These were the thoughts that ran through my mind on a day-to-day basis.  My grandiose sense of self importance had me under the impression that I couldn’t possibly be wrong either– and judging by that obnoxious status above, my guess is you’re not the slightest bit surprised.

It wouldn’t take a genius to figure out that I was living in denial for most of my young adult years. I had little to no life experience meaning I was inherently unequipped to deal with the majority of life’s problems. Which is what worries me the most about why I thought I was God’s gift to the universe *bookmarks topic for next blog post*

However, even with my know-it-all attitude back in the day, there is very little I would change about being twenty. If I could go back and do it all again, I wouldn’t change a thing. From being a jobless party animal throughout that summer (I still don’t know how I managed it) to horsing down an éclair au chocolat nearly every day for the year I lived in France (and still no booty gains) – I spent some of my best moments in life as a twenty-year-old.

So this in not me looking back and wishing I had done things differently. This is simply me recognising my 20-year-old self for the naive and in some cases delusional person that she was. If I had the chance to go back and shake some sense into her, this is what I’d say:

1. Get over yourself, nobody is trying to be you.

2. There are more valuable things in life to pride yourself on than being able to cut people off .

3. You’ll soon learn how to apply concealer….. and use a filer. You’ll probably catfish everyone you meet in the process, but that’s okay, you’re amazing remember?

4. Grey’s Anatomy is not real. 

5. Not every situation requires you to strike a pose. 

6. Blocking people is petty. Archive them instead,it’s less childish.

7. You’re spending an awful lot of time trying to decode a five word text message. 

8. Stop crying over d*** that doesn’t want you.

9. He’ll be back.

10. Not every man is your daddy. Lower your expectations, it’ll spare you a lot of heartache.

11. Learn to accept people at face value.

12. You’re going to lose friends along the way, even the ones you think you can’t live without, you’ll be okay. 

And finally, the golden words I’d tell myself then, now and quite possibly every day for the rest of my life: It’ll all be GRAND!!!

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