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Posted on October 5, 2017

12 things my 40-year-old self would tell me now

Uncovered

They say hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I reckon foresight is even more useful

Farrah Storr, Editor-in-Chief, Cosmopolitan

A little over a year ago I wrote a blog called 12 things I would tell my 20-year-old self. If you haven’t read it yet, please know that I was an absolute brat back then. Part of me cringes at the thought of it now because I feel that I’ve  come such a long way to being the woman I am today and I think it is important for each of us to look back and remind ourselves of our progress and the ways in which our past experiences have helped us grow into the strong individuals we’ve become.

While I do feel that I have matured in the last seven years, I believe there is always room for improvement and as much as I’ve enjoyed my life to date, something in me is telling me that some of my best days are yet to come.

So today’s blog post is going to be about the things that I hope an older and wiser me – either reflecting on a rocking chair in a nursing home or exchanging kisses with a loving husband – would tell me now.

1. You will be someone’s queen the second you stop being daddy’s little princess.

2. Don’t let your pride get in the way of your friendships, you need people more than you think.

3. Every flaw on your body tells a story  and you will grow to love them sooner than you think.

4. Positive affirmations will get you there quicker.

5. Some day you’ll lose the anxiety of not carrying a mirror with you everywhere you go. 

6. You never grew those ‘child-bearing’ hips you’ve always longed for, but it didn’t make you infertile, did it?

7. Your small frame doesn’t make you any less of a woman. Women’s bodies come in many different forms and sizes. 

8. PCOS won’t defne you.

9. You will let someone love you someday and that person will add to your happiness.

10. Allowing yourself to feel angry from time to time doesn’t make you that ‘angry black woman,’ never conceal those feelings.

11. Good on you for not following the crowd, even when the pressure was on. You stayed at home, you followed your dreams and look how much it’s paid off?

12. Dick isn’t everything. 

Are there any things you hope an older and wiser you would advise you on now? If so, feel free to tweet me @FilomenaKaguako 🙂

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Posted on November 17, 2014

10 signs you’re a hopeless romantic

men/ relationships

 audrey

I’ve often been told that I’m a hopeless romantic. Although I don’t think I’m one, I do have a fair idea of why someone might call me that. For starters, I am a bit of dreamer: whether it’s to do with my career or my relationships, my mind often wanders to places where most people’s minds don’t.

Secondly, I find it hard to let go. Now, I don’t mean that in the psycho ex kind of way. What I mean by that is I am someone who is very keen (to put it nicely) on getting to the bottom of things and I usually don’t rest until I do.

Lastly, I expect people to go out of their way for me – I know, this is starting to sound bad. But hear me out before you judge: the only reason I would expect that from anyone is because I’d be willing to do the same for them – see, I’m not that crazy after all! 🙂

So in a way, I understand why someone would translate those things into me being a hopeless romantic – even though I disagree – there could be some truth in it. I guess it all comes down to what you actually define as a ‘hopeless romantic.’

tit1

Is it someone who is simply in love with the idea of being in love? (definitely not me) or someone who’s always open-minded about the next relationship even though the previous one went disastrously? (again, not me!)

I think it goes a lot deeper than that.  For me, it is a combination of different attitudes and  behaviours  that make someone a hopeless romantic, not just one or two things.

And if you tick more than just a few of these boxes, then you’re probably not far off from being one yourself:

1. You expect grand gestures: After a fight, you expect to see the words ‘I’m sorry’ written in the sky (but a bouquet of flowers followed by a beautifully wrapped gift as an apology is a close second).

2. You compare your relationship to Allie and Noah: For some reason, you think your love life is comparable to the bickering love birds in The Notebook.

noah

3. You’re in love with the idea of being in love: You admire teens who think they’re in love, you reminisce on the days when YOU were in love and you just adore couples who have been together for years.

4. You strongly believe that PDA: In your eyes, it isn’t official until you’ve practiced PDA regularly.

5. There isn’t a single romcom you haven’t watched: Your capacity for watching romantic comedies is beyond human, can you even think of a romcom you haven’t seen?

6. You think the Eiffel tower and Big Ben make a perfect couple: The more you think of it, the more it makes sense – right?

paris

7. You fantasise about being in a long term relationship with your crush: Sometimes you get more joy in daydreaming about being with your crush than actually spending time in your waking life – sad, but true.

8. You know every single word to ‘I will always love you’ – backwards: This is pretty much says it all.

9. You believe in ‘The One’: Although there is no evidence of it in the present, you feel strangely positive about you and your friends ending up with that perfect somebody.

10. More thought has gone into your wedding day than your career: At this stage, you probably won’t even need a wedding planner for your big day. You’ve been dreaming about being a blushing bride since the day you could pick out your favourite dress.

Have you ever been called a hopeless romantic? If so, I’d love to hear why! 🙂

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Posted on September 2, 2014

12 mistakes women make with men

men/ relationships/ women

mistakes women make with men

After giving it plenty of time and consideration, I’ve decided to finally unleash my inner Carrie Bradshaw. She wasn’t exactly an expert when it came to men and frankly, neither am I.

However, I do have some very interesting stories that pretty much go from one extreme to another  – that’s putting it lightly.

Also, after hearing stories from female friends as well as other women, I think it’s fair to say we’ve all made one or two of these mistakes at least once in our lives of being ‘young and naive.’

1. Confusing sex with love
Most of the time, sex is sex – nothing more, nothing less.

2. Getting too attached
Being invited over should never EVER translate to leaving your toothbrush at his – even if you did stay the night.

3. Overanalysing
The thinking: the constant and endless thinking that’s enough to put us in a straight jacket. Maybe, just maybe, the words ‘okay then,’ really just mean ‘okay then’.

12 mistakes women make with men 3

Photo Credit

4. Not making them work for it
Don’t just give it to any Tom, Dick or Harry who comes along, make them work for it – make them earn what they want.

5. Making them work too hard
The opposite applies too. Push them too far off the edge and they just might stay there! I guess the key here is just to find the right balance (let me know when you’ve found it!)

6. Opening up too soon
This pretty much sends them running to the hills. No poems, no love letters, no confessions – just don’t do it.

7. Putting them up on a pedestal
No good can ever come of putting your man, lover or crush up on a pedestal.

8. Emasculating them
I’m all for girl power and the whole women rule the world jazz, but let’s be honest; men like to set the pace. Sometimes, leaving the ball in their court will show you whether or not he’s really interested.

12 mistakes women make with men 2

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9. Expecting them to change
Change comes from within so don’t hold your breath if you think he’s going to give up one of his ‘bad habits’ before he’s ready. We think they’re going to change and they think we won’t – what a beautiful world we live in!

10. Becoming someone else
Women who change themselves for men are only setting themselves out for disappointment. Especially since the truth always comes out in the end.

11. Being too available
Nobody wants an eager beaver; it’s never a good look either on a woman or a man for that matter.

12. Expecting too much
At this stage, I’ve realised that sometimes it’s better to just count the blessings that are already there than to complain about the things that aren’t!

So there you have it, 12 mistakes women make with men straight from the horses mouth ( I kid!) but I can’t say I’m not guilty here! Feel free to share any thoughts you might have down below 🙂

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