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Posted on August 4, 2016

12 things I’d tell my 20-year-old self

Uncovered
memory

Facebook TimeHop enlightened me on many things…

At 20, I thought I was indispensable. I whole-heartedly believed that if anyone spent enough time with me that they would eventually want to be like me. I was convinced that if I were anybody else, I’d be my own best friend. I would marry myself if I were a man. These were the thoughts that ran through my mind on a day-to-day basis.  My grandiose sense of self importance had me under the impression that I couldn’t possibly be wrong either– and judging by that obnoxious status above, my guess is you’re not the slightest bit surprised.

It wouldn’t take a genius to figure out that I was living in denial for most of my young adult years. I had little to no life experience meaning I was inherently unequipped to deal with the majority of life’s problems. Which is what worries me the most about why I thought I was God’s gift to the universe *bookmarks topic for next blog post*

However, even with my know-it-all attitude back in the day, there is very little I would change about being twenty. If I could go back and do it all again, I wouldn’t change a thing. From being a jobless party animal throughout that summer (I still don’t know how I managed it) to horsing down an éclair au chocolat nearly every day for the year I lived in France (and still no booty gains) – I spent some of my best moments in life as a twenty-year-old.

So this in not me looking back and wishing I had done things differently. This is simply me recognising my 20-year-old self for the naive and in some cases delusional person that she was. If I had the chance to go back and shake some sense into her, this is what I’d say:

1. Get over yourself, nobody is trying to be you.

twenty 1

2. There are more valuable things in life to pride yourself on than being able to cut people off .

twenty 2

3. You’ll soon learn how to apply concealer….. and use a filer. You’ll probably catfish everyone you meet in the process, but that’s okay, you’re amazing remember?

twenty 33

4. Grey’s Anatomy is not real. 

twenty 5

5. Not every situation requires you to strike a pose. 

twenty 6

6. Blocking people is petty. Archive them instead,it’s less childish.

twenty 10

7. You’re spending an awful lot of time trying to decode a five word text message. 

twenty 117

8. Stop crying over d*** that doesn’t want you.

twenty 14

9. He’ll be back.

twenty 12 

10. Not every man is your daddy. Lower your expectations, it’ll spare you a lot of heartache.

twenty 9

11. Learn to accept people at face value.

twenty 7

12. You’re going to lose friends along the way, even the ones you think you can’t live without, you’ll be okay. 

twenty 8

And finally, the golden words I’d tell myself then, now and quite possibly every day for the rest of my life: It’ll all be GRAND!!!

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Posted on July 28, 2016

5 ways you’re self-sabotaging

Uncovered

self sabotage

We’ve all been victims of self-sabotage. We may not identify it as such immediately, but self-sabotaging behaviour is something I’ve witnessed in myself  as well as those around me. As you probably know, the first step to resolving any sort of problem is to be aware of what the issue is and to admit you have one.

So without further ado, here are five possible ways you’re self-sabotaging:

1. Comparing yourself to others

Comparing yourself to others, or more specifically, to people who you think are ‘better’ than you is quite possibly one of the biggest forms of self-destruction.  Not only can it induce feelings of unworthiness, but it can also prevent you from moving forward with your life. What you probably don’t realise is that when you compare yourself to someone else, you’re only looking at a fraction of their life. You have no idea what that person had to endeavour in order to get to where they are and you probably never will because more often than not, people will only publicise what they want you to see. They might be better off, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re better than you.

self sabotage 1

2. Comparing others to people in the past

So we’ve established that comparing yourself to others can be destructive, but what about comparing others to people who have hurt you in the past? From my experience, I think this sort of comparison can equally damaging. Don’t get me wrong, I know it is natural to be a little weary of others when you have a record of being back stabbed (once bitten, twice shy), but that doesn’t make it okay to paint everyone with the same brush. There are good eggs and bad eggs, it’s just the nature of this thing we call life. In the same way you will likely cross paths with more back stabbers, you will also meet some big hearts too. Pushing people away and questioning people’s motives will only prevent your heart from opening up to the possibility of loving others and allowing them to love you back. Not everyone is trying to hurt you.

self sabotage 22

3. Forgetting how to forgive

Humans are flawed. Every single living person in this world is flawed. Some of our flaws are more obvious than others, but the bottom line is that we are all flawed which means we’re bound to make mistakes. You are just as likely to make a mistake as the person next to you. That’s not to say that you should wait for people to screw you over, but instead, don’t take it so personally when they do. You will meet people in all walks of life who will do you wrong and forgiveness is something that needs to be practiced not only for them, but also for your own peace of mind.  We have to learn to forgive because there will be a time when you’ll require someone else’s forgiveness too.

self sabotage 33

 

4. Analysing everything to death

If you’re looking for a sure way to kill your happiness then this is one of them. Over-thinking and over-analysing often creates problems that were never there to begin with. Not only is it incredibly time consuming but it also takes the joy out of things that should just be fun. Enjoy the moment, nothing good can ever come out of dissecting everything to death.

self sabotage 4

5. Feeding your emotions instead of facing them

When you use food as a coping mechanism for your problems, it had an impact on both your physical health and your mental well-being. The fat-saturated and overly sweet comfort food might make you feel good at the start. But overtime, you will probably find yourself feeling a lot worse than before.  If you find yourself turning to food instead of dealing with your issues, then it’s time to re-evaluate things. Instead of hiding behind a tub of ice cream, sit down and have a word with yourself or even talk to a trusted friend. You need to learn to face your problems without food. Try exercising, meditation, writing or anything creative. The more co-dependent you are on food, the harder it will be to deal with problems without it.  

self sabotage 5

These are only fives ways of how you can self-sabotage. It may not seem like a lot, but its’s enough to know that the self-sabotaging behaviour needs to stop. Whenever I find myself self-sabotaging and creating issues that aren’t there, my logical mind reminds me to look at the facts and to focus on the positives. At the end of the day, a negative attitude will never get you a positive life, it all starts in your mind. Once you cleanse that, you will begin to project positive energy and positive things will start to happen!

Hope you all have a happy Thursday 🙂

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Posted on June 23, 2016

Uncovered: the exception VS the rule

Uncovered

he's just not that into you

He’s Just Not That Into You has always ranked  quite highly on my list of favourite romantic comedies. If I were super religious, I’d treat it as the Holy Bible. I’d recite every single word said by Justin Long’s character (I’ll get into that later) and follow his most valuable advice to bag the man of my dreams.  But because I’m neither religious nor with the ‘perfect’ man, I tend to re-watch it whenever I feel the need to be brought back to reality so that I can ponder on whether or not I am the rule or the exception in modern age dating.

Since it can be near impossible to come to any conclusion of such matters without some advice from those around you, I usually find myself asking my trusted friends and family for their opinion.  Although I don’t always agree with what they say at the start  (when do we ever?) there is something that I was once told which has had an everlasting impression on me.

I was once told that I was raised through Disney, and how Princess Elsa is my alter ego. Initially I found these remarks rather amusing. However, the more I think about it and continue to live my life in the way that I do, the more I’ve started seeing some truth in these seemingly ridiculous comments.

princess complex

I’ve spent my whole life thinking I am an exception. And by exception, I mean extraordinarily special. Of course, I am special, aren’t we all? But just not always as special as our egos would have us believe.  Not always as ‘special’ as the girl who has a one night stand and then ends up in a long term relationship with the person. Not always as ‘special’ as the couple who were each other’s firsts and lasts. These are classic examples of what being ‘special,’ or should I say, ‘the exception,’ really is. They call it the exception because they are uncommon situations. They are outliers in a world where dating apps such as Tinder and POF promote the idea that people are dispensable.

In the film, He’s Just Not That Into You, Justin Long’s character (Alex), has a theory for the rule and the exception. The rule: the predicaments that the majority of people in the dating pool find themselves in. The exception: the not-so-common situation.I like most people, have often been the rule. I’ve dated men who have ‘hit and quit,’ I’ve impatiently waited for a text that never came through and so on and so forth. In these instances, I wasn’t the exception, I was the rule. And if you’re anything like me, then that can be a hard pill to swallow. It’s never an easy fact to accept being the rule when you’ve spent your whole entire life thinking otherwise.

Now although I agree with the foundation on which this theory is based and despite being ‘the rule’ for a good chunk of my dating life. I have to say, I still think it is a tad bit flawed as a theory.

exception

To me, the word ‘either’ is quite limiting. It implies that you can only be one of the two. But judging from the people around me and those who went from ‘being the rule,’ to being the outlier, I’ve come up with my own little theory for single women struggling to find out how ‘special’ they really are: you can be the rule and the exception: it just depends on the man.

I think that women who have spent a large portion of their dating life being the rule, simply haven’t met the man to make them the  exception. As the saying goes, ‘one day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked with anyone else.’

All hope is not lost, and no matter what happens, it never should be because in hindsight, you’re an exception. You’re an exception in a world full of men who are making you believe you’re the rule.

Never forget that princess 🙂

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Posted on April 2, 2016

Uncovered: Body count matters

Sexuality/ Uncovered

body count

There are a few ways I could have written this article. The first, would have been to touch the topic on the surface and conclude that people who worry about body count (the number of sexual partners a person has) are usually from a narrow-minded culture who don’t see women and men as equal and think that a woman should never sleep with more men than she can count on both hands.  Either that or I could have just started with ‘Hi my name is Filomena and my body count is XXXX’ – throw in a few extra X’s for the shock factor  – and then just patiently waited for people who have absolutely no right to comment on how I live my life to pass judgment and make unnecessary remarks.

But see this is the thing, do we as humans ever have the right to define or police a person’s sexuality? No, we don’t, but we do it anyways. We have been brought up in a world where women in particular are deemed to be sluts if they have a high number of sexual partners.  She loses her value as a woman, she is no longer desirable or worthy of love because of course, the number of men she’s given her body to is a reflection of how much respect she has for herself.

But why is it always women? Why do women always get the short end of the stick? I can’t think of a single male who would ever be concerned about his body count. Heck, most of them don’t even know what theirs is! But God forbid a woman ever loses track of how many men she’s slept with – it is the crime of all crimes. You’re a woman. You’re supposed to know how many people you’ve had sex with. You’re supposed to keep your number low because like cars, your value decreases the more you’ve been ‘used.’

What saddens me the most is that certain cultures actually promote men to have multiple mates. They entitle it. And to me, this is where the whole body count craze becomes a gender thing.  They endorse the idea of men having several partners. In fact,men are praised for it because there is nothing degrading or belittling about having more than one partner if you have the ‘privilege’ of being a man. And it is usually the same people who worship men for their promiscuity that regard women with a high body count as whores.

master key

This brings me to another issue.

What exactly is a high body count? What I consider as high is very different to what you may regard as high. The notion ‘high body count’ varies from person to person. There is no global agreement as to what constitutes as a high body count number, so why do some of us hold it with so much significance?

I have a group of female friends who hold body count with remarkably high regard. Who believe that exceeding a certain number of sexual partners is something to be ashamed of.  This way of thinking made me raise all sorts of questions. For starters, is it just an African thing? Have we been conditioned to believe that as women of African descent, we should remain as pure as possible if we wanted to be worthy enough to secure a husband? After all, it is my African friends in particular who are so infatuated by this.

Out of curiosity, I decided to ask a few male friends to get their perspective, and to try to make sense of it all. The men I queried were all of different ages, races, backgrounds and beliefs, and although some of them felt that a woman’s number shouldn’t be looked at in isolation. The majority were of the opinion that a woman’s body count does matter. Some even admitted that they would look at a woman differently if she had what they considered to be a high body count.  I must say, I was genuinely gobsmacked by some of their responses:

“To me personally it’s very important. I look at a woman very differently depending on the number of men she’s slept with and I don’t think the same applies to men. If a woman your age has slept with 15 men or more I consider her to be a bit of a slut” – anonymous male, age 28

“Yea, I do feel it’s important. Many guys would not take a woman seriously if they knew she’s been around. Hence why men like to be with a woman who isn’t very well known,” – anonymous male, age 26

“A key that can open many locks is a master key. But a lock that has been opened by many keys is worthless. Double standard, I’m afraid” – anonymous male, age 33

“Guys behind the scenes they talk about this stuff, particularly if they’re settling down with a girl. If they only want to be with her once, they don’t really care. In fact they nearly like that she’s been with loads of people because they know she’s easy and a sure thing. But for the purpose of taking her home to your parents, that’s a whole different ball game,” – anonymous male, age 33

“If you think about how men and women evolved sexually, you will see that it doesn’t really make sense for a female to be promiscuous. In fact, it can be detrimental,” – anonymous male, age 32

“Does it matter to whom? The individual? or society in general? In case of the individual, no it doesn’t matter. In the case of society, yes it does matter. It matters to men. It is best for a woman not to discuss it at all. No man wants to hear it,” – anonymous male, age 31

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what this says about society as a whole. But instead of concluding that this whole fixation with body count is down to culture and gender alone, I’ve decided to keep the topic open for discussion.

Thoughts?

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Posted on February 23, 2016

Uncovered: Can cheating ever be justified?

Uncovered

cheating satc 2

Before you start attacking me or accusing me of oppressing female sexuality again, just hear me out for a second here.

I re-watched the first Sex and the City film the other night and one of the scenes got me thinking about a topic I’ve been meaning to write about: cheating. A topic we’ve been conditioned to regard as being black and white with no grey area at all. Cheating is wrong and we should never excuse it, forgive it, or accept it, right?

Now for those of you who haven’t seen the film or just need to refreshen your memory, I’ll give you this particular storyline in a nutshell: Miranda, a career-driven woman who comes across as being very guarded and emotionless and her husband Steve, an easy going man who appears to be more in touch with his emotions, hit a bump in the road in their marriage: they stop having sex.

Now I can’t imagine this being out of the ordinary for a married couple especially with the pressure of work, children and other responsibilities. But a combination of zero spark in the bedroom and Miranda’s neglectful attitude towards her husband’s emotional needs causes him to have sex with another woman. He wasn’t confronted about his infidelity, nor he wasn’t keeping it a secret from her. He outright confessed his wrong doing and clearly felt awful for what he did.

cheat quote

I don’t condone cheating at all but from watching the series I know that it was completely out of character for Steve to do something like that and for some reason, my initial reaction to watching his confession was ‘how is she even surprised that he cheated?’  Now the fact that I don’t like Miranda could have played a part in why I reacted this way when I first watched the film. But it also made raise a rather intriguing question:  can cheating ever be justified? Are there ever instances where we can understand why it happens?

I mean in Miranda’s case, I do think she was a contribution to his behaviour.  I’m not saying she deserved what happened nor am I saying her contribution to his dishonesty justifies it. But because my initial reaction to him confessing was ‘how is she not surprised that he cheated,’ I want to know if I am alone on this matter and think it is a grey area.

We’re human, we’re flawed, we have many imperfections and we are going to slip every single day. But is cheating the kind of ‘slip’ that can ever be justified? Is there ever room for justifying one of the worst betrayals in a relationship, especially when vows have been said? It’s a tricky one.

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Posted on January 2, 2016

Celibacy: One year on

Uncovered

celibacy 3

This time last week, I was absolutely dreading writing this article, let alone actually publishing it. But after having received one of the most heart-warming gifts by a very good friend of mine, of a framed certificate to congratulate me on completing 12 months of celibacy, I took it as a sign from the universe that I needed to go live with this.

I think the path of celibacy is something people should be made aware of. And I most definitely think that it is a topic that needs to be discussed by today’s generation. If you think about it, sex is too easy to talk about. Let’s face it, it’s absolutely everywhere. Having sex with ‘zero commitments’ has become so common that we have come to a stage where relationships have lost any sort of meaning, never mind the act of actually making love – excuse me if that’s no longer a socially acceptable term to use.

Since sex is so easily available, and people are just randomly jumping into bed with strangers, the thought of willingly giving up sex just seems absurd to the Netflix and Chill generation. Actually, it is unheard of.

netflix and chill

So when I told some of my friends that I had decided to take a vow of celibacy for a full year, most of them laughed in my face. Some of them even questioned if I were gay. To them, it seemed like an impossible task, some would even say self-punishment.

I mean why in the good name of God would anybody want to voluntarily deprive themselves of sex for a full year? Who in the right mind decides they want to be sexless for a full 365 days? I’d love to tell you that the answer to that is a broken-hearted girl and just call it a day. But to be honest, it was a lot more than that. It was a mixture of emotions and a mountain of issues piling up one after the other.

For starters, I was just out of a relationship (if I could even call it that), which made me jump on the ‘All men are %$$holes bandwagon’. It was an absolute rollercoaster of many highs, but a lot more lows. My love and sex life took a pivotal turn after it.  Enough was enough.

hearts rarely

I had gotten come to a point in my life where I finally realised I deserved so much better. I realised I had been giving my body to men who were not truly worthy of it.To men who charmed the pants off me (literally) and then poof! Off they were.

I’m not saying that I was ever wreckless with sex. But I will admit that I went into the majority of my sexual relationships with both eyes closed. Up until now, I was absolutely blind. Blind of the emotional consequences, the mental consequences and everything else that comes with sharing your body with another soul. So this time last year I made the conscious decision to go celibate for a full year.

To say it was difficult, is an understatement. During my ‘dry spell’, nature’s monthly visits were definitely a lot harder to handle. I was extraordinarily sentimental and often felt that nobody wanted me because my body wasn’t good enough when in fact it was my very own decision to become celibate.

your naked body

However,the positives of taking on a life of celibacy definitely overweighed the negatives. I have learnt to value myself and my body without seeking sexual partners to that for me. I have learnt to set my own standards and not accept the standards which have been placed on me. But most importantly, I have learnt that I am worth waiting for.

I have always been a firm believer of making yourself happy first.I honestly think that the most important relationship we will ever have in this world is the relationship we have with ourselves. We are never going to get any closer to happiness by sharing our bodies with others-  if anything, it does the exact opposite. Yet, there I was going against my so-called beliefs, making the same mistakes time after time.

A wise woman once told me that each person we have sex with leaves their energy with us and I think this statement holds so much truth. I would have never thought so years ago, but I do now. I am in no shape or form trying to force celibacy onto anyone, at the end of the day it is your body, not mine. I just feel that women (and man alike) should be made more aware of who they give their bodies to and contemplate whether or not these people are deserving of it.

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