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single

Posted on August 16, 2017

How to stay single

Dating

This is probably going to be the shortest post I’ll ever write on this blog, the reason being that I originally intended for this to be a tweet. However, my inner satirist felt compelled to share it with a wider audience, so here are three simple steps for staying  happily single:

Step 1: Send the person you’re seeing a psycho “breakup” text when you’re menstruating

Step 2: Let the argument escalate to the point where you actually break up

Step 3: Convince yourself that it was never going to work anyways

For more sarcasm and satire, check out 12 things I learned from being on POF  🙂

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Posted on November 6, 2016

8 perks of being a single gal

Dating

single-perks-4

I was once told that I am a frilly pair of knickers away from being a Bridget Jones. Although I’ve never had much interest in the films and consequently know the absolute minimum when it comes to Bridget’s actual character, common knowledge would tell me that I wasn’t being complimented. But believe it or not, I wasn’t offended in the slightest.

The main reason being is that I am a firm believer that everything is temporary. Experience and life has taught me that nothing in this world lasts forever. So when it comes to love and relationships, I don’t think it should be a race of who makes it down the aisle first. I think it should be about enjoying the status that you have at present. And if that current status leads to spending every Friday night Netflixing and chilling with a meal deal for one – then so be it! So long as you make an attempt to sweat it all out the next day, you’ll get zero judgement from me!

I know my single girl problems post would have you think otherwise, but being single isn’t really all that bad! It comes with many little perks that often go unnoticed. Luckily for you, I am going to share a few tonight:

1. I’ve got hot garlic sauce in my bag

‘I’ll have that without garlic sauce’ is a popular phrase among couples on date night. Thankfully, being single means you don’t have to worry about trying to ward off garlic breathe for a goodnight smooch because it’s not like you’re going home to lock lips with anyone. Go ahead, order that extra garlic dip.

2. Granny pants galore

Sexy underwear doesn’t exist when you’re a singleton. High cut, elastic and loose? Now that I can relate to! Comfy granny pants become a reoccurring theme in your undie-robe when you’re single. Not only are they incredibly comfortable. But with a reliable pair of granny pants, you don’t ever have to worry about having a string of material squeezed in between your butt cheeks, Hallelujah!

single-perks-2

3. Shaving? Sorry, I only speak single

When you have nobody to make adult noises with, you can pretty much let your body hair grow to your heart’s (or legs) content. It also means that you will be saving yourself a few bob – no more painful wax treatments or spending money on shaving cream. This is the time to grow into (no pun intended) the Amazon lady that you were always destined to be!

4. Girls just wanna have fun

You can head out as often as you like, wherever you like and with whomever you like because you don’t have to answer to anyone at all! Be as selfish as you want with your time and you can even make last minute party plans without any interrogation – it’s like basically reliving college campus years all over again!

single-perks

5. Random date nights

As a single gal, you get to experience the honey moon phase every single time you have a new date! The texting, the butterflies, the anticipation… meeting new people can be very fun! Not all first dates turn out to be disastrous, some can actually be quite enjoyable.

6. Me, myself and I time

When you’re not tied down to someone, you’re not limited in what you can do as far as career and other big life decisions go. Being single means you get to focus on your life and your goals without having to weigh the impact of every single choice that you make on a relationship.

single-perks-3

7. Red lipstick on fleek

No lip locking means a lot of red lipstick. You can wear that red lip day in day out without worrying about it being ruined!

8. And for my sisters out there……LACE WIGS!!!

I cannot stress this enough! Take advantage of the sex drought that can come with single life by making the most out of your lace wigs. Because once your’e back to hair pulling sex, you’ll have to say your farewells to that new hair #JustSayin

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