I have a newfound love for Starbucks. And it is not because I have an uncontrollable urge to sip their overpriced coffee every morning. Nor is it because I derive pleasure from taking advantage of free WiFi in a cozy enviornment – okay, maybe the free WiFi plays a bigger part than I’d like to admit. But even with that aside, there is just something about the homely feeling of Starbucks that makes it a breeding ground for my creativity.
I’ve had some of my most productive days in Starbucks. I carry my laptop over my shoulder. Whip it out of my bottomless bag. Connect to the WiFi… all while sipping on a Teavana tea and devouring a ‘skinny’ blueberry muffin – yes, I’m one of those knob heads who orders tea at a coffee house, problem? I didn’t think so
With all the time I’ve spent in Starbucks collectively, I’ve noticed thousands of people rush in and out of the door to get their much needed caffeine fix. My extensive research to date a.k.a my people watching skills and my attention to detail has led me to compile a list of the types of people you’ll likely come across at Starbucks.
Tell me I’m not the only one who is seeing a pattern here?
1. The foreign exchange crew
They spend hours trying to decipher the menu while holding up the queue behind them. When they finally come to a decision it is usually something as basic as a tall iced cappuccino *eye roll emoji* can we start a petition for picture menus at Starbucks please?
2. The coffee snob
The venti nonfat chai latte with soy milk no foam but an extra shot and cream.This person knows exactly what they want and how to get it. Their complicated order makes you question whether or not you’ve been doing it wrong all this time.
3. The first timer
And then there’s the Starbucks virgin who stares at the menu like it’s in a foreign language. When asked what size preference, the words tall, grande and venti turn him into a deer at headlights. Awh, bless!
4. The self proclaimed blogger
Attending to the virtual world before the real world is deemed to be more important in the mind of the self proclaimed blogger.This person never lives in the moment. Why? because one does not simply go to Starbucks without documenting it.If you don’t take a picture of your Starbucks, it never happened, period.
5. The getaway hunters
If it’s not their obnoxious kids they need a break from, it’s their overworked husbands. Either way, this group of mothers seem to be under the impression that staying well caffeinated in Starbucks is equal to a weekend away – if it works for you, who am I to judge!
6. The Tinder match
Another awkward first. These two make it blatently obvious that they’re on a first date. Both ordering a basic coffee with no foam to avoid dealing with a milk moustache. Fidgeting and carefully choosing topics of discussion….ugh! Since when did dating become so hard?
7. The freeloader
The freelancer who sits with their laptop and work for hours and hours on end. You see them sitting in the same spot, doing the same thing every single time you go in. You start to wonder if they should even start paying rent at this stage.
8. The suited business man
He barely makes eye contact when he makes his order. His inner Kanye leads him to believe that the barista knows exactly what he wants when he says ‘the usual,’ but when asked to be more specific, he huffs and puffs.
9. The college kids
The ones who make you reminisce on the days when a coffee vending machine sufficed for that morning coffee fix. You wonder how they can all afford spending a fiver on coffee nearly everyday. They all have superstars and gazelles on, dead giveaway? Or maybe they live with their parents!
Do you recognise any of these Starbucks stereotypes? If so tweet me @FilomenaKaguako