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Posted on June 11, 2018

10 things all singletons can learn from Love Island 2018

Dating

Let’s be clear on something: contrary to what my Twitter feed will have you think, I am not a Love Island superfan. In fact, this is the first year I tuned in to the show from the very beginning – I know, I was a bit late jumping joining the bandwagon! Last year, my slow addiction to the reality show developed mid-season, after catching a glimpse of the tension created by Muggy Mike.

Watching all the drama unfold in the villa before Amber & Kem took home the prize money, made me realised that you don’t have to be a qualified doctor to diagnose an unhealthy addiction towards television drama. Much like anyone else who has a tendency of investing their feelings into onscreen relationships, the new series of Love Island has already taken an emotional toll on us ITV viewers.

Tuning in from the beginning of the season means I’ll have a better understanding of the inner workings of the show as well as the game plan of schneaky contestants (I can think of a few names). But rather than naming and shaming – I probably do enough of that on Twitter anyways, I’ve decided to compile a list of meaningful love lessons us singletons can learn about dating from week one of this year’s Love Island.

Only a week into seeing sloppy kisses on screen and uncomfortable love triangles, but I’ve already picked up on some major faux pas in the world of dating *puts on Carrie Bradshaw hat*

Here are 10 things all singletons can learn from week one of Love Island 2018:

1. Not all that glitters is gold

2. Insecurities follow you until you mend your heart 

3. Acting dumb will never be cute

4. Girls really don’t want a good guy

5. Never underestimate the power of bro code

6. Female ageing is still highly stigmatised 

7. If it ain’t white, it ain’t ‘right’ 😒

8.Some women truly are masochists

9. Politics isn’t for everyone

10. If you want true love, choose personality over looks – always!

What do you make of this year’s Love Island? I would love to know your thoughts! Tweet me @FilomenaKaguako 🙂 

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Love Island airs on ITV2 at 9pm, every night except Saturday.

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Posted on February 27, 2018

Do men age better than women?

Dating

TimeHop: A nifty Facebook feature designed to depress individuals who have surpassed the prime of their beauty (for those of you wondering).

In my early twenties (when I still had my looks going for me), I used to take pride in the fact that I was never enticed by the idea of plastic surgery. Now some of you may not be surprised by the concept of a young twenty something year old – with not a wrinkle in sight – not finding cosmetic surgery attractive. But believe it or not, I would have known plenty of ladies who spoke quite enthusiastically about surgery from a very young age.

Whether I had a big booty or not (I didn’t), any insecurity I had growing up was always something I was willing to suffer through with. I wanted to age naturally and with grace, even if I was a skinny black girl with a ‘pancake’ bum. All the Kylie Jenners in the world would not have made me change my mind about plastic surgery – again, I was in my early twenties so I still had my looks going for me, the importance of this cannot be overstated.

Fast forward a few years (I won’t say how many) but fast forward to a point in my life where I now understand why some women would opt for elective procedures that are said to prevent the much-dreaded “mature” look. There is nothing scarier than looking at an old photograph of yourself at the age of what you regard as the prime of your beauty only to stare back at your own reflection and see that.

Note: If you try this at home, you’re at your own risk.

A lot can change in a short space of time, and these changes can happen fast. So much like any millennial experiencing early signs of aging, I turned to my much-trusted support system: Instagram, every girl’s most trustworthy and reliable friend (that was sarcasm).

Using an Instagram poll, I asked them to vote on something I have believed for a very long time to be true: do men age better than women?

Since this is something I have always believed, I was in complete shock by how divided the answers were. Some respondants thought the answer was obvious and shared similar views to me, while others believed the debate should be around the stigmas attached to female aging. While it isn’t difficult to reason with both of these views, make of what you will on the other more questionable comments people had on the matter.

I did an even split for male and female respondents so that I don’t appear to be propagating my own aging agenda 🙂

  • Question: Do men age better than women?
  • Final result: 58% Yes | 42% No

Male responses

It’s acceptable for a man to grow into a silver fox but women are pressured into looking younger and to not show signs of aging.

Most women are entirely reliant on their looks, they are not subject to the same criteria as men and yet they want all the sh!t men have worked for.

People like the idea of a modern world where we can say women age just as well as men because that’s a nice warm thing for everybody to believe in but that’s just not true. Women have the power from 18 to 30 and then from that point it starts dipping. Men have no power whatsoever till we’re about 28, a woman won’t even look at you until then.

It’s societal expectations. Some men hit their mid to late 20s and look the same into their late 30s/40. I think a part of that is also that we don’t stop growing physically until we hit 25 (I think). I do often wonder though if make up has long term negative effects on someone’s skin from wearing it so often?

Women are better looking for longer, men only get to look good when they’re silver foxes, can’t we have that at least😅

Female responses

In my opinion they don’t age well. I am looking at the all round picture as looks can be deceiving. Men toil alot in their life time, their bodies endure so much that women are the only ones who out live them regardless lol I know this may sound offensive and traditional but it’s true.

Noooooo they don’t! I’m 11months older than my husband and everyone thinks I’m younger than him. Last year a woman thought I was his daughter. She was drunk…but yano It still counts 😂😂

Society is obsessed with women’s beauty being linked to youthfulness. Even in how they pay compliments, a man looking younger than his age is nearly negative and for women a great thing. We say things like “Oh 40 is the new 20”.

Yes they do, it’s so depressing 😭

Women know that after a certain age everything starts to go south in the looks department, that’s why they feel the need to “trap” men.

Regardless of the ratio of yes to no, there is no denying that we still have a lot of mixed responses here. Thanks to my *early aging signs that we shall not yet speak of* I will continue to think that among many other things, us women do not have it easy in the aging department.

So to the person who first coined the phrase ‘black don’t crack,’ I’d like a refund.

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[27/2/2018]

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Posted on February 14, 2018

That sugar baby life: dreamy romance or glorified prostitution?

Dating

When I first heard about sugar relationships, I was rather naive about the whole concept. The notion that a wrinkled  wealthy man could financially support a young and attractive woman while asking for nothing but her presence in return was not something that set off any alarm bells.

I thought, why wouldn’t a financially stable man support a twenty something year old through college if he has the means to? If he can afford it and she can return the favour by giving him whatever is in the parameters of their sugar arrangement (her ‘presence’) then isn’t it a win for everyone!? How very naive of me indeed….

Thanks to my newly found wisdom of sugar dating and all other relationships that exist in the realm of the sugar world, I am now inclined to think otherwise.

My growing obsession with the dynamics of such a relationship led me to jump into the sugar bowl to dig up on the matter. After having joined SeekingArrangement, an online dating site that aims to link up older and financially stable individuals (usually men that go by the term sugar daddy/SD) with their commonly young and impressionable female counterparts (sugar baby/SB), I can now say that my views regarding sugar daddy and sugar baby relationships have shifted drastically.

It is safe to say that the ‘on your terms’ relationships that a lot of sugar dating websites try to sell are not to be taken at face value – at least not if you’re the SB anyways! Many men who use sugar dating sites are not far off from searching for escort. They use the guise of a ‘structured’ relationship to have young SBs bend to their will. But before we touch on whether or not being a sugar baby is akin to being a sex worker, I think it is important to outline the different types of sugar daddies that exist on these dating sites…..

Here are 10 types of sugar daddies that are likely to be found online 🙂

1. Fake Daddy

Allow me to start with the most obvious of types: fake daddies. These are men (or women) that set up online profiles pretending to have a bank account in the Cayman Island and a yacht somewhere in the south of France. They are the ones who take advantage of the fact that almost anyone can mask as anything once there is a screen in front of them.

2. Wannabe Daddy

This is the type of  SD that warrants a bit of sympathy. In the perfect world, he would have the attention of a hot blonde that is half his age to shower with gifts and treat like royalty. He would give her everything and anything she could ever ask for. The problem is, he can’t afford the lifestyle he wants to have with a SB and the life that he so desperately craves is therefore one that has to be left to his imagination (ergo the sympathy).

3. Salt Daddy

This type of SD is similar to the wannabe daddy in the sense that he can’t afford to be a ‘real’ sugar daddy. What separates the salt daddy from the wannabe daddy however, is that he actively seeks naive women knowing well he has has nothing substantial to offer. He uses trickery and manipulation to get his way with sugar babies and when it’s time for this salt papi to holdup his end of the agreement, he is nowhere to be found!

4. The Married but Looking Daddy

The married but looking daddy is probably the most common type of SD that exists in the sugar world. Some require discretion and secrecy from their SB while others claim that their partner is aware of their wandering eye. Regardless of the situation, the thought of this type of SD wanting a sugar baby can be deeply disturbing when his sugar baby’s age matches that of his daughter.

5. Submissive Daddy 

This is the type of daddy who gets off on taking on a not-so-daddy role. Not only does he derive sexual pleasure from having dominant women abuse his wallet, but it is a prerequisite that she humiliates him in the process. He thrives off anything from getting his marching orders from a powerful woman after she’s drained him of all his cash at an ‘ATM meet,’ to fulfilling various embarrassing tasks that she demands of him afterwards.

6. Peter Pan Daddy

The Peter Pan daddy is one who simply  just enjoys the company of a young and attractive woman.Having younger company brings out a side of him that he refuses to let go of. If she happens to  need mentorship or a bit of financial support, he would give a helping hand. But only if he can.

7. Pimp Daddy 

On the flip side, we have the pimp daddy. This is the SD who treats sugar dating sites like it’s for finding escorts. He has a sense of entitlement and when he makes demands, he expects them to be met. The pimp daddy claims to be firmly against using professional escorts, yet he speaks to his sugar babies like they are ladies of the night.

8. Online Daddy

This type of daddy has no intention of pursing an arrangement outside the virtual world. He is the type of SD that either lives overseas or travels quite regularly. He can give a good talk about meeting up and discussing a mutually beneficial arrangement, but the reality of it is that he quite enjoys the online chats and texts.

9. The Mammy and Daddy, ‘Daddy’

Although not as common as some of the others, the mammy and daddy type of profiles seek a younger SB to help spruce things up in the bedroom. They may be swingers or they may simply be two people who feel that they’re about a decade deep into the relationship. This type of SD profile just wants to spice things up before kids are factored into their relationship.

10. Dream Daddy

This type of daddy has the means to provide financial, mental and emotional support to a potential sugar baby. Although he has a busy schedule, the dream daddy never fails to hold up his end of the arrangement when he has one. Since he  doesn’t ask for anything sexual in return for his generosity, one would question whether or not he has a functioning libido. Any SB who lands one of these has basically hit the jackpot!!

While it is clear from this list that there isn’t just one type of SD that exists, I do get the impression that the majority of sugar relationships run on secrecy, lies, sex and money. After weeks of interrogating active users of sugar dating sites and attempting to discover the motivations behind why people use them, I am starting to think that the standard SD/SB arrangement is adjacent to sex work (when there is intimacy involved, that is).

In a way, I also feel like the dynamics of the average sugar relationship brings women decades back to when they were forced to stay at home and depend on their partners for financial support. But above all else, this new discovery makes me wonder whether or not women inherently seek out men who can provide them with financial security.

The growing popularity of sugar arrangements and the use of sugar dating sites begs the question of whether or not men and women really are biologically hardwired to think and behave differently when it comes to matters of dating, whether it is part of a woman’s genetic makeup to look for security in a man and whether men are biologically geared towards mainly wanting………… do I really need to say it? 🙂

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Posted on August 24, 2017

5 reasons he might call you a psycho

Dating

Ladies, if you’ve ever been called a psycho by a man then I’m sure you’ll resonate with my latest YouTube video. I’ve explored some of the reasons why men call women psychos.

I hope you enjoy watching it as much as I enjoyed putting it together for you guys, would love to hear your feedback! 🙂

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Posted on August 16, 2017

How to stay single (satire)

Dating

This is probably going to be the shortest post I’ll ever write on this blog, the reason being that I originally intended for this to be a tweet. However, my inner satirist felt compelled to share it with a wider audience, so here are three simple steps for staying  happily single:

Step 1: Send the person you’re seeing a psycho “breakup” text when you’re menstruating

Step 2: Let the argument escalate to the point where you actually break up

Step 3: Convince yourself that it was never going to work anyways

For more sarcasm and satire, check out 12 things I learned from being on POF  🙂

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Posted on January 16, 2017

New year, new……. dude? 10 tips for having sex with a new partner

Dating

new year new dude

It’s mid-January.  So that means the majority of you are either trying to convince yourself that this is the year you will finally commit to the New Year’s resolutions you set for yourself nearly half a decade ago, or you’ve already succumb to the defeatist attitude by deciding your New Year’s resolutions were never really that achievable to begin with- people are so predictable *insert eye roll emoji*

As you can probably tell, I’ve never really been much of a believer in New Year’s resolutions. So my first blog post of 2017 is not going to be about the goals I’ve set myself this year. Instead, it is going to be about something both you and I have experienced in the past, and if there isn’t a ring on your finger, then the chances are you will relive this exciting and sometimes scary moment again – sex with a new person.

No matter what way you slice it, first-time sexual encounters are nearly always awkward. Even the most body confident person in the world would feel a little bit timid about showing off their goods to a new person.

The last time I exposed my sexual self to somebody new, I was as nervous as anybody else who’s put their sex life on the back burner for a year would be. So I’m far from an expert in this. But as the saying goes, sometimes you gotta fake it until you make it – and I don’t mean literally here! 🙂

1. Bring a rubber….or two

Without sounding like you mother here, always, always, always use protection. Using a rubber is an absolute must when it comes to having sex with a new person. If both parties know that sex is on the cards, then there really is no reason to not bring one – that goes for both of you!

2. Dress to impress

The right underwear will give you that extra bit of confidence and help you get your senses going. If you have a special go-to lingerie set that never fails to impress, then it’s time to dig that out of your sexrobe. As well as boosting your confidence, a good set will blow his mind. Either go hard or go home – no pun intended.

3. Don’t overload on alcohol

It’s always a good idea to take the edge off a bit with a glass of vino. But don’t go downing a full bottle of wine or anything like that. After all, you do want to remember your first time together. Just drink enough to help you relax and not worry about why you didn’t start working out eight months ago.

4. Easy tiger

There’s no point in diving into things right away. Take your time in exploring each other’s needs and wants. The build up of sex and discovering each other’s preferences is part of what makes it so enjoyable and fun.

5. Trim the hedge

I know this comes down to personal preferences, but I think we can all agree that having a presentable lady garden the first time you have sex with someone increases your chances of being asked out again – JOKE! But in all honesty, tidying up gives you one less thing to worry about on the night.

new year new dude 2

6. Technical issues

Contrary to the popular belief that all men are dogs who spend every waking moment trying to cover their raging boner, it is not uncommon for their manhood to misbehave and erm… not stay up. There are a number of reasons for why this can happen, just try not to take it personally. Instead offer a back massage or something to help you both relax.

7. Use your words

If there is something your new guy is doing that you don’t particularly like, communicate it. Likewise, if there is something you really like then make that known. Communication is key when it comes to enjoying sex with a new partner. Once you’ve both communicated your desires you’ll get the most out of the moment.

8. It’s not a rodeo

As much as you might be tempted to show off your skills to wow him, try to hold off until you get a little bit more comfortable with one another. Consider the first time as a preview of what’s to come – the kinky mask fetishes and sadistic fantasies can wait. Not only does it give you both something to look forward to, but it also leaves a sense of mystery too.

9. The let down

Sometimes, just sometimes, the build up to sex during the talking stages of a new relationship is actually better than the real thing. So don’t be disappointed if the sex is not exactly how you envisioned it to be. At the end of the day, no two sexual encounters are ever the same. It all comes down to getting familiar with each other’s bodies. Practice makes perfect!

10. Enjoy it

Just try to relax and enjoy the moment!  Remember, you’ve done this before, the only thing that’s different here is the person you’re doing it with – at the end of the day, there are only so many ways you can ride a bike! 🙂

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Posted on November 6, 2016

8 perks of being a single gal

Dating

single-perks-4

I was once told that I am a frilly pair of knickers away from being a Bridget Jones. Although I’ve never had much interest in the films and consequently know the absolute minimum when it comes to Bridget’s actual character, common knowledge would tell me that I wasn’t being complimented. But believe it or not, I wasn’t offended in the slightest.

The main reason being is that I am a firm believer that everything is temporary. Experience and life has taught me that nothing in this world lasts forever. So when it comes to love and relationships, I don’t think it should be a race of who makes it down the aisle first. I think it should be about enjoying the status that you have at present. And if that current status leads to spending every Friday night Netflixing and chilling with a meal deal for one – then so be it! So long as you make an attempt to sweat it all out the next day, you’ll get zero judgement from me!

I know my single girl problems post would have you think otherwise, but being single isn’t really all that bad! It comes with many little perks that often go unnoticed. Luckily for you, I am going to share a few tonight:

1. I’ve got hot garlic sauce in my bag

‘I’ll have that without garlic sauce’ is a popular phrase among couples on date night. Thankfully, being single means you don’t have to worry about trying to ward off garlic breathe for a goodnight smooch because it’s not like you’re going home to lock lips with anyone. Go ahead, order that extra garlic dip.

2. Granny pants galore

Sexy underwear doesn’t exist when you’re a singleton. High cut, elastic and loose? Now that I can relate to! Comfy granny pants become a reoccurring theme in your undie-robe when you’re single. Not only are they incredibly comfortable. But with a reliable pair of granny pants, you don’t ever have to worry about having a string of material squeezed in between your butt cheeks, Hallelujah!

single-perks-2

3. Shaving? Sorry, I only speak single

When you have nobody to make adult noises with, you can pretty much let your body hair grow to your heart’s (or legs) content. It also means that you will be saving yourself a few bob – no more painful wax treatments or spending money on shaving cream. This is the time to grow into (no pun intended) the Amazon lady that you were always destined to be!

4. Girls just wanna have fun

You can head out as often as you like, wherever you like and with whomever you like because you don’t have to answer to anyone at all! Be as selfish as you want with your time and you can even make last minute party plans without any interrogation – it’s like basically reliving college campus years all over again!

single-perks

5. Random date nights

As a single gal, you get to experience the honey moon phase every single time you have a new date! The texting, the butterflies, the anticipation… meeting new people can be very fun! Not all first dates turn out to be disastrous, some can actually be quite enjoyable.

6. Me, myself and I time

When you’re not tied down to someone, you’re not limited in what you can do as far as career and other big life decisions go. Being single means you get to focus on your life and your goals without having to weigh the impact of every single choice that you make on a relationship.

single-perks-3

7. Red lipstick on fleek

No lip locking means a lot of red lipstick. You can wear that red lip day in day out without worrying about it being ruined!

8. And for my sisters out there……LACE WIGS!!!

I cannot stress this enough! Take advantage of the sex drought that can come with single life by making the most out of your lace wigs. Because once your’e back to hair pulling sex, you’ll have to say your farewells to that new hair #JustSayin

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Posted on September 14, 2015

5 types of men you’ll meet before your thirties

Dating

5 types of men you will meet before your thirties

A few people have asked me why I stopped writing my relationship articles – if that’s even what you can call them! But to be honest, it isn’t the easiest topic to write about. While I try my best to be as witty and as humorous as I can, some of the experiences I’ve written about are a bit personal. I guess you just have to know me on a deeper level to be able to pinpoint when I am speaking the truth and when I’m just having a laugh (which I do quite a lot).

Anyways, seeing that one of my relationship posts (8 Types of Men You Should Avoid Dating) has been shortlisted in the Blog Awards Ireland, I’ve decided to let my inner Bradshaw shine yet again!

So here’s something fun, light-hearted and maybe, just maybe a bit personal – you just never know with me! 😉

Here are 5 types of men you’ll meet before your thirties:

1. The one you thank for breaking your heart

Nobody likes picking up the pieces after a relationship comes to an end. It can be disappointing and a devastating reminder of what could have been. But the one thing I can say about the pain of heartbreak is that it teaches us valuable life lessons that nothing else ever will. For starters, it teaches us that we can’t always get our hearts desire and that situations are not conducive to what we want. It shows us that emotions are fickle and how we can’t really rely on them to make decisions. Lastly, it teaches us the brutal truth about life: it goes on. No matter how heartbroken you are, people will continue on making their coffee every morning, the bus schedules will continue to run as normal and your neighbours Golden Retriever will continue to howl in the middle of the night – harsh, but true.

the world doesn;tstop

2. The one who changes you

And I’m not talking about the reason behind a drastic hair change here, I’m talking about the one who gives you a whole new perspective on life, love and relationships.  Whether it was from a good experience you had with him or a bad one, he is part of the reason you look at things differently. After a romantic relationship, some people change for the better, while others change for the worse. Hopefully, in your case (and mine), we will always grow and change for the better.

3. The one you’ll look back and laugh at

Remember that one guy you pictured your life with? The one you believed would be the father of your kids until things fell apart. Then, you thought you’d never get over him. Well where is he now? I bet you wouldn’t recognise him in a lineup! There’s always one guy you just can’t think about without having a little chuckle with the girls. They’re usually the ones you envisioned your life with and spent weeks eating cookie dough to get over. Thankfully, we are well past that stage and know that pain is only temporary. What you cry about today you may laugh about in a few years from now!

thank god

4. The one you couldn’t seem to get rid of

This guy claims to be head over heels for you. He tells you that there is no other woman out there quite like you and that all he wants is a chance to prove to you that blah blah blah blah blah…. I’m sure you’ve heard it all before! No matter how many times you tell him that it’s never going to happen, he just persists and persists. These kinda guys are probably good for your ego at the start. But after the ego feed, reality kicks in. They just become an annoyance because they just can’t seem to get the hint.

5. The one you’ll always remember

And then there’s him. The one who holds a special place in your heart. No matter how much you care about him, deep down you know that he isn’t the right person for you. He is the one who makes you feel enlightened about love. Even though it didn’t work out, he makes you want to love again. After him, all you’ll want  is  a meaningful relationship and something long-lasting and worthwhile. He’s the one that will always have a piece of your heart, he’s the one you’ll always remember.

everyone has a robin

Hope you enjoyed my ‘big comeback’ and if you’re new to my blog, be sure to have a read of my previous dating articles!

Also, don’t forget to vote for 8 types of men you should avoid dating in the Best Blog Post category and 7 reasons your diet isn’t working in the best Health & Wellbeing category! Thank you all in advance! 🙂

Click here for vote for Best Blog Post: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/P6PP695

Click here to vote for Best Health & Wellbeing: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/PPBJNMZ

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Posted on April 12, 2015

10 signs you’ve been friend zoned

Dating

AND THEN I SAID

You may associate the word ‘friend zone’ with men who get repeatedly rejected by women who are out of their league. Or more precisely, that poor fella who wants more than a platonic relationship with his bestie but because she’s never given him the green light, he keeps his mouth shut – sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

While the friend zone is most commonly a place where men are left to rot in, there are also times when women find themselves in that same dreaded situation – that’s right, women get friend zoned too!

Luckily for me, I have yet to experience it myself (never say never). But sadly, I have witnessed one or two gals being friend zoned and are somehow blind to it.

funny memes

If you keep using his ‘shyness’ as an excuse for not making a move on you, then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the situation. Here are 10 telltale signs that you’re in the friend zone.

1. When he asks you to chill, you actually chill

You watch a film from start to finish, you’re under the same blanket but never cuddle, he burps in your face and isn’t shy about it – you get the picture. If you never miss a single scene when watching a film together, then that is undeniable proof that you’re in the friend zone – sorry to break it to you.

2. He calls you bro

You could wear all the dresses in the world if you wanted to, but once he calls you ‘bro’ (and feels comfortable about it too) you are deep in the friend zone and you won’t be swimming in the shallow end anytime soon!  He clearly sees you as one of his male friends – nothing more, nothing less.

3. He tells you about the women he pulls 

Every time he shacks up with someone new, you’re one of the first people to hear about it. He has no problem telling you about his hot dates, problematic relationships or steamy one night stands. In his mind, you are there to listen.

4. He tells you that any man would be lucky to have you 

this could be us friend zone

5. He introduces you to people as his sister

When you meet his new friends, he often throws in the word ‘sister’ as a little reminder of where you two stand – not purposely, of course. He just loves you SO much, you’re like a sister to him. It has gotten so bad that you’re even starting to wonder whether or not people actually know you by name.

6. He doesn’t notice when you’re dressed to the nines

When he first saw you in a bikini he didn’t bat an eye lid and when you’re all dolled up for your night out, he doesn’t even flinch. At this stage, you feel you could walk by him half naked and he wouldn’t even notice! Friend zone level? deep!

7. He continually tells you to get with one of his boys

He keeps telling you what a cute couple you and John would make. Meanwhile, you are thinking about what a cute couple you and him would make.

THIS COULD BE US

8. He never ever flirts

If he flirts with every woman that walks into the room except you, then that my dear is what you call the extreme level of friend zone. Can you even remember the last time he paid you a compliment? I thought as much.

9. He pats you on the head

When you see him interacting with other girls, you see him poking them, tickling them and having a laugh. Not to mention, they always get a kiss on the cheek before they part ways. Other women get a kiss on the cheek, but you get a pat on the head – friend zone at its finest.

10. He often makes you his sidekick

If you can’t remember the last time his wingman was actually a MAN, then most likely you are in the friend zone for the long run. You might as well get yourself new runners, some baggy pants and get used to him calling you ‘dude.’ If that doesn’t suit, then remove yourself from the situation and go find yourself a new distraction. Oh yea, and chin up!

Until next time 🙂

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Posted on March 31, 2015

5 steps to moving on

Dating/ men

next chap

Breakups suck. They really do. And whether it’s the end of a romantic relationship or a platonic one, nobody enjoys getting rid of someone who played such a huge role in their life. That’s why it’s important to take necessary steps to ensure that you move on in the healthiest way possible.Yes, there will be some ice cream involved – there is always ice cream involved! So when I say healthiest, I’m talking about your mindset here. It’s about moving forward without bringing all that crazy with you.

These five steps should help you keep your sanity hat on – even if  you feel you have every reason in the world to take it off! #StayStrong

1. Closure, chats and all the rest

closure rachel

When a relationship ends, I do the usual: delete, block and suppress – it’s like it never happened! Then, I get on the “I hate men” bandwagon, until I get over it and find another idiot who makes me go through the whole thing again (no wonder I’m crazy). But overtime, I have come to learn that the ‘C’ word actually does help. That dreaded talk after a breakup might seem like an impossible task, but once you finally build up the courage to do it, you’ll find that it helps give a clearer idea of what went wrong in the relationship so that you can make any necessary changes and improvements for your next – we’re thinking positively here, people! As well as that, it gives you the opportunity to get everything off your chest. Whether it changes the situation or not is completely irrelevant. It’ll put your mind at ease knowing you said everything you wanted to say.

2. A night in with the girls – or two!

carrie crying

This is probably one of the most important steps to getting over a breakup – spending a night with the girls. Get some wine, chocolate, ice cream or whatever it is that you like to indulge in (the sweeter the better), and make a night of it. There’s no point in isolating yourself in your room or feeling sorry for yourself. Have a few drinks with the girls and just let it out, you’ll feel much better in morning  (take it from a girl who once brought over three bottles of wine and two tubs of icing to a friends), this is a foolproof plan, it absolutely works! And you know what they say about good friends, they multiply joys and divide sadness.

3. Retail therapy is a must

money happiness

You know that handbag you had your eye on a few weeks ago but were unsure about how to fit it into your budget? Now is the time to buy it! There’s nothing a bit of retail therapy can’t fix. Whether it’s a new bag, new shoes new makeup or all the above, just go out there and get yourself some retail therapy. And when you’re done, take a break and do it all over again! Your bank account can’t possibly be angry at you forever now, can it? 😉

4. Back to the drawing board

find yourself

When people are in a relationship they tend to do things together. A Friday evening catching up on your favourite TV series becomes a movie night with your significant other and a Sunday morning doing yoga becomes a walk in the park + 1. Your own habits and interests can sometimes become a lost memory after spending so much time with someone else. So when you become single again, it is important to go back to base. Think about the things you once enjoyed and start doing them again. Who knows, you might make some new discoveries in the process!

5. Find your zen

meditation

Now I’m not going to tell you to get out there, walk barefoot in the grass and start talking to the trees or anything like that (I haven’t quite reached that level yet). But, what I will say is this: dedicating 10 – 15  mins of your day to meditate and practice some breathing exercises really does help get through the day.  Practising calmness is essential for your physical health as well as mental health and there are plenty of YT videos related to meditation that can help you get started. You can choose to do it first thing in the morning or right before bedtime, the choice is yours. Start off with 8 minutes and then slowly build it up. Believe me it gets easier!

It would make sense for me to finish off by saying that it’ll get better in time, but I honestly can’t stand any of those quotes related to time. So what I will say is this:

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl. But whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

– Martin Luther King Jr.

Hope you have a fab day! 🙂

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Posted on March 5, 2015

What not to do after a breakup

Dating

the breakup film

After a breakup, you may feel a combination of many emotions: disappointment, heartbreak and sometimes even regret. The aftermath of a long or shortterm relationship is never pretty, and in cases where a few bottles of wine are involved, it can get a bit messy – I know this, all too well!

While blaring ‘I Will Survive’ in your room every morning and although making a cow out of yourself at a drunken karaoke session are both very much acceptable – in my books anyways, there are just some things that you should never ever doing after a bad breakup.

If the word pride means anything to you, then you will not and you must not do any of the following things:

Contact his family members

Just because his mother adored you, it doesn’t give you a reason to start ringing her and checking up to see how she is doing or asking her how things have been. You didn’t ring her when you thought she was going to be your mother in-law so why the sudden interest in ‘her’ life now? Cut the crap, we all who you’re really asking about!

Create a page for stalking

When your ex gets a friend request from someone who recently joined Facebook just days after the breakup, they might just get a bit suspicious. Let’s face it; most people have had their Facebook accounts longer than they can remember, so spare yourself the embarrassment of setting up a Facebook account for stalking purposes. Remember your pride!

one to adele

Listen to depressing music for too long

Yes, we all love Adele, and yes, we are all clearly aware of what listening to Ed Sheeran does. But whatever you do, don’t dwell on the pain for too long, otherwise you will just be stuck and unable to get out of that mind frame. They say crying is good for the soul, so do allow yourself to shed a few tears, but don’t let it drag on for longer than it should! #StayStrong

Go on a Facebook rant

I know we live in a digital age, and social media plays a big part in most of our lives. But can we just leave Facebook out of it? We are preserving our pride, taking the high road and all that jazz. Pick up kick boxing if you must, apparently it’s a good way to let off steam. Just don’t put your business out there for Facebook to see.

Carry yourself like a hobo

We all have a hoody reserved for those ‘I’ll never get over it,’ moments. It allows us to sulk and feel sorry for ourselves in the comfort of our own homes – or in the home of a good friend. But, you know what they say: looking good is feeling good. Putting on your heels and getting a bit dolled up makes all the difference in the world. Try it out, you might surprise yourself!

end of

Feed your emotions

After a breakup, men usually hit the gym and women usually turn to food for comfort. But while you’re eating away and getting bigger, he is lifting weights and getting fitter.  I’m not saying you should start bodybuilding or anything, but instead of feeding your emotions, take up a fun class like Steps or Zumba. Not only will it help your mental state, it will also help you physically!

Befriend his ex

Purposely befriending someone who used to go out with the person you once were –and probably still are – crazy about, is simply a recipe for disaster! Man bash all you like, but do to it with a trusted friend and not the psycho ex – unless of course, you want to graduate to that title? I didn’t think so.

Jump into bed with a stranger….. or a friend

You feel like crap, and a bit of male attention would be nice right about now. But whatever you do, do not, I repeat, do NOT jump into bed with a complete stranger – or any of your male friends for that matter. Kissing is fine. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of lip locking every now and again. So long as you don’t do it with a friend as you will only regret it (not that I know anything about doing things that you shouldn’t be with your friends…. but I’d imagine that’s how one would feel, right?)

The point is, there are just some things you shouldn’t do after a breakup, and these 8 are some of them! Hope you all have a fab day xxx

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Posted on February 8, 2015

8 types of men you should avoid dating

Dating

big and carrie

I can’t sit here and say that every single one of my exes were idiots, because that would be a lie. But there were certainly one or two – okay maybe three – four max, that I would gladly give that title to.

If all the years that I’ve spent being in either a serious relationship or in a confused situationship, has taught me anything, it is this: there are just some guys you need to steer clear of.

These are the type of men who add absolutely no value to your life – dead weights, is what I call them.  All they do is waste your time, energy and emotions – and there’s nothing worse than wasted emotions, right?

So if you want to avoid listening to ‘I Can’t Make You Love Me,’ while scoffing down the unwanted chocolate you found at the back of your press from last Christmas, then here are some of the men you should stay away from:

it's not you it's me

The eager beaver

He puts pressure on you to meet your parents, he drops random hints about moving in together and you are still unsure about whether or not you had much of an input on having sex with him for the first time – oh it’s all coming back now, isn’t it? The eager beaver doesn’t really care who he is with, as long as he has SOMEONE. He is just in a rush to settle down and find a woman to take care of him – and then he’ll probably have someone else on the side.  Spare yourself the heartache and move on.

The unreliable one

He always says he’s going to take you out, you always hear him talking about how he’d like to spend a weekend away with you. But these things never actually happen, do they? If his actions aren’t matching his words now, don’t expect things to be any different a few months down the line. He’s good at talking the talk, but he ain’t very good at walking the walk. The unreliable one needs to be reminded of where the front door is.

unreliable men

The one who can’t keep his pants up

We all love sex. There’s no arguing that. But if he wants to get dirty between the sheets at every second of the day, then how can you ever trust him to be loyal when you’re not around? Or God forbid, you have an injury and are unable to perform as you normally would? Exactly. Three or four times a day? Absolutely fine. But wanting it all day every day is never a good sign, and it may also call for some professional help.

The one foot in and one foot out kinda guy

He uses his past as an excuse to not fully commit to you. Yet, judging by his track record, his previous relationship don’t seem any different to the night time visit arrangement you have with him now. He is just trying to have his cake and eat it too and is using ‘heartbreak’ as a way to avoid having a real relationship with you. This kind of guy needs to take both of his feet and keep them out. #ByeFelicia

The one who always seems to be short on cash

If it’s not ‘I forgot my wallet at home,’ it’s ‘there has been a delay with my payment.’ Either way, you are starting to wonder whether he even owns a bank account or not. The one who always seems to be short on cash is a pro when it comes to excuses and me thinks him and Mr. Unreliable up there should get together some time.

i'll hold you down

The one with zero ambition

He barely made it through school, and he now spends his days sitting in front of the telly watching sports. He has no idea where his life is going – not that he even cares – and he doesn’t seem to be having any positive influence on your life. As the saying goes ‘a man who can’t commit to himself, can not commit to anyone else,’ I’m pretty sure that says it all.

The one you can’t seem to read

He sends you ambiguous messages and says things that you never fully comprehend. You think he is interested in you, but you still have your doubts. Chances are, the guy is just stringing you along for his own amusement. If he really wanted to have some sort of relationship with you then he would make an effort and you wouldn’t be trying to decipher his messages at 2 o’clock in the morning!

The hot and cold kinda guy

Today you have his undivided attention, and tomorrow you’re wondering why you haven’t heard from him all day. If you’re wondering why you’ve suddenly stopped hearing from him, then that is probably because somebody else has his attention. I don’t know about you, but I’m not very good with sharing my men.

If you have one of these men in your life, then you already know what to do…… hope you all have a good evening 🙂

 

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